Tuckus lingus and all things butt

Ever since I started my new slave-kick (like a health-kick but with less bran), the butt has been appearing on the menu more and more. I have a truly deep love/hate relationship with the butt and while 70% of my private porn collection is made-up of insanely limber chicks having their asses totally rammed, there are days when the mere thought of putting something up my own ass just makes me want to cry.

To be honest, I’ve never really understood the attraction of butt plugs – either for the inserter or the insertee and I’ve blogged about it on many occasions (in an attempt to have someone explain it to me, but unfortunately I’m still waiting…) I mean, what is there to get out of a big lump of latex or silicon just sitting there? So my complete lack of understanding about what makes them hawt makes it difficult for me to get excited when Master makes the fateful order:

“Go put in the ___(insert size here)___ butt plug.”

But of course, since I’m a new-and-improved slave, instead of ignoring him laughing it off and going to watch tv, I dutifully lube up and insert the sucker and try to clench to hold the damn thing in. It generally doesn’t take anything more than a stiff breeze for it to fall out though and Master keeps saying he wants a harness for me to keep it in. I think we’ve passed two christmases and three birthdays without me buying one as a present for him though, so I’m sure you can see how excited I am about the prospect of my butt-plug not being able to fall out.

Now we’re going to move into the ‘possibly TMI territory’…

In my pre-slave days, I wasn’t very aware of all my holes and their positions and all that jazz. I’d never really looked at myself down there and while I always followed the sound advice of wiping ‘front to back’ I would of found it difficult to direct a guy if he got lost down there. I don’t think I would of ever, ever, ever considered buttsecks as something that nice, married girls do and I can still remember the day when I discovered how close my vagina and anus actually were. For some reason I’d thought my butt hole was a lot further away than it actually was and I discovered that when I’d been watching what I thought was vaginal sex, the sex was actually taking place in a very different location.

I know, I know. How naive was I? But you’ve got to remember I’m a small-town country girl who went to Sunday school and I grew up thinking I wanted to save my first kiss for ‘someone special’. I wasn’t born the slut, slave, ho bitch I am today 🙂

So anyway, several long, hard months of daily enemas practically cured my lack of direction in my nether region overnight and I now spend a lot of time down there removing hair, lubing and inserting butt plugs so I’m very familiar with the area.

(I could give you a little bit TMI here and tell you that I’ve named my hemorrhoid who likes to pop his head out every now and then, “Tom”, but I won’t, because that just makes me sound like I’m insane.)

Master also has this dream of me serving him a can of beer or soft drink by squeezing it out of my ass. He has seen it done and constantly comments to me that if I was any sort of ‘real slave’ that’s what I’d be able to do. I’m sure it’s a matter of practise makes perfect, but the question is, do you want to drink something that has been up someone’s ass, even if it was in a can???

Along with butt plugs and butt cans, Master also has this thing about me licking his ass. I’m not talking tuckus lingus, I’m talking licking his butt cheeks. Why? I dunno. Out of the blue he will shout out to me,

“Come lick my butt bitch!”

So, of course, being the new and improved slave I am, I go and lick his butt. While I’m not a big fan of licking, I can manage to get over my aversion to licking someone much easier than I can my aversion to being licked so I manage.

So that’s my life at the moment – butt licking and butt plugs. Like everyone I have my good butt days – where it can actually start to feel good, and my bad butt days –  where nothing I do makes it feel anything but ouchie and uncomfortable, but I dunno, I think if I understood the attraction more I’d have fewer bad butt days.

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10 thoughts on “Tuckus lingus and all things butt”

  1. First I am going to give you a link to a butt plug that I have been DYING for 😛 its got a bit of weight to it but its made so that it stays put a lot better AND it comes with a handy dandy ring for easy grip and removal! I wouldn’t suggest much sitting tho…

    http://www.stockroom.com/Njoy-Pure-Plugs-P2288.aspx

    You can “thank” me later hehehe.

    right…evil brat moment over, we move on to the joy of stuff in the bum. I love the hell out of it. In fact I can get quite moody if I go too long without something crammed in my bum, preferably a cock but anything will do in a pinch. I enjoy the feeling of fullness, being stuffed and stretched in a most intimate and degrading manner. I have the most wonderful orgasms from butt sex and now I feel the need to go molest Master and see about getting me some butt lovins!

    1. I’m flat-out refusing to even click on that link – you sneaky girl!

      I do appreciate your explanation of what you like about it though. I can appreciate the feeling of ‘fullness’ but I generally like that to be in my twat and not in my ass. Seriously, all I can think about is expelling whatever is in there and the whole time it feels like I’m stuck somewhere without a toilet.

      1. lol aw come on it isn’t that bad AND its on sale!

        I guess it just comes down to your personal preferences. Some people like all thinks tuckus, others obviously not so much 😛 No matter how much you try, you just can’t force it *giggles*

  2. As I’ve mentioned here before, I love Teh Buttseks but can’t stand anything else near or in my ass.

    As for my personal tongue going near anyone’s rump? Ugh. Ew. Bleurgh. No. Kthxbai.

  3. My first Dom punished me once. The punishment was I had to lick his arse hole for 30 minutes. I don’t think I ever did a thing wrong after that and my tongue and jaw were sore for who knows how long. LOL

    Butt checks are ok, its’ the butt hole that isn’t. Ewwwwwwww

    I don’t get the whole huge dildo/butt plug thing either. In fact Sir has only made me wear a butt plug once, that’s when I went shopping. I think I was walking around like someone had stuck a butt plug up my arse. PMSL

    I was worried it would drop out, imagine that happening at the shops? What would you do? Run and hide, put it back in, pretend horror and point at some little old lady or man and shriek IT WAS YOU!!

    1. Damn girl! 30 mins? That is one hard-assed dom. I went shopping with one in once but I was also allowed to wear underpants so at least when it fell out – which it did on the way *into* the shopping centre – it wouldn’t fall onto the floor. I generally walk around like I’ve got something happening down in my nether regions due to my rings so no-one would probably notice if I walked around like I had something shoved up my arse 🙂

  4. I can’t get them to stay in either. Makes me think I must have a gaping hole compared to all the perfectosubs dainty entrance. He’s like KEEP IT IN KEEP IT IN then *plop*. There’s no way to keep it in. Always makes me giggle inside though.

    xx milla

    1. Me too! The more I concentrate on trying to keep it in, the more I want to laugh and the more it wants to *plop* out.

      I’ve come to the conclusion that there is a very fine line between too much lube and not enough. Too much and the little bugger slip-slides around too much, but of course if there’s not enough it ‘urts. So I don’t think we have particularly gaping holes, I just blame the lube 🙂

  5. Interesting topic. I’m in some weird space where I love the idea of it, want it, fantasize over it but when I actually DO it i hurts BADDDD!. Lube, lots of lube and anything going in hurts. No matter how I try to relax, try to deal with it, work through it, I end up in tears and screaming. I do have a tiny baby plug He makes me wear and that isnt bad but even sometimes His finger feels like a baseball bat. I dunno but I think nature made butts with sadists in mind.

  6. Bit thoughts from “the other side”. Whats in ordering someone to inset her buttplug? From the top down:
    -face, when widest part is going pass the tightest part. The waiting look, when pain is about to come and the relief when it is ower. Maybe small tear.
    -body, on all fours, arcing the back, movement towards the plug and hand holding it, in the moment when it goes in. Dropping down, when it is in and giving whole body a second to get used to the feeling.
    -hands, controlling hands against the pain, fullness etc
    -butt cheeks are just bit more beautiful when there is something shiny between them.
    The visual side is important for me.

    Why I order sub to be plugged outside? Mixed emotions but on top is the pleasure I get of knowing that she cant stop thinking about it. Its good area of women to think about. I control the size and the wearing time of the buttplug. If the plug keeps popping out, it is too small. Get wider ones!

    All together for me the most important part in whole process is the brief moment between “not yet” and “its in” . Causing that is so enjoyable!

    Now you understand, dont you? 🙂

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