There are moments when I feel so powerful and so in control that I almost get giddy with the joy it gives me.
But hang on, I’m a slave and I’m not supposed to be the one ‘in control’ or the one with ‘the power’. Aren’t I supposed to be the oppressed, the subjugated, the one who is at the mercy of the whims of her owner?
But, as I said, there are moments when I quite literally smile at having Master right where I want him.
The moments I’m talking about are the moments in the post-coital haze when he has cum and I can’t stifle my grin because once again I’ve had victory over him. He has cum because of me and he can’t stop it. In fact, he has about as much chance of stopping a bus with his pinkie finger as he does ending a ravishing without cumming.
Seriously, I can’t stop myself from grinning. There he is, just about to tip over the edge into ejaculation territory and when I feel the change in his rhythm and hear him holding his breath, I start grinning from ear to ear and I can’t stop myself.
Does that make me weird?
First of all I thought the smiling was from a feeling of satisfaction. I thought maybe I was feeling that I’d done a good job as his fucktoy and it made me happy. But when I really starting thinking about it, I realised that I was feeling powerful and in control and like I was *the* cause of Master’s sexual pleasure.
I’m sure it’s just as easy to take it the other way and think I’m just an object for use and pleasure and therefore don’t have any power, but I can’t seem to get my mindset going that way – the ‘proper slave’ way.
Is it a bad thing?
Master seems to think my grinning is funny. He finds it amusing that I’m amused so I don’t know whether he thinks it’s cute that I’m feeling ‘in control’ or whether it’s just a case of infectiouslaughitis.
I think it might be another one for the “I have no fucking idea” basket.