The first blog back after an extended absence is always such a momentous task. I really hate doing them. Not only do you feel the pressure of needing to be witty and entertaining right off the bat (which, anyone who has met me in rl will testify, doesn’t come naturally to me) but you’re also faced with the dilemma of where to start.
Two weeks isn’t long in the scheme of things, but the amount of stuff we jam-packed into those two weeks is ridiculous. On reflection I’m wondering whether it was a ‘holiday’ or some kind of “Truman show” game show where the audience gets to laugh at the crazy foreigners lugging suitcases across the length and breadth of Japan.
So I’ve made an executive decision not to put all the Japan stories here, but under the little tabbie thingie where I’ve been keeping all my Quirky Japan stuff. I figure everything I have to say about Japan will fall under the ‘quirk’ category anyway, so I’m better off separating it (there’s nothing new there just yet, but I’ll get around to it….sometime…I promise…lol.)
I also figure that there is a huge chance of this blog turning into some sort of Japanese-girl-trapped-in-western-body-talks-about-nothing-but-food-porn-and-weight-loss-and-how-quirky-Japan-is type of thing, so to avoid that I’m going to stay on track here with the Master/slave stuff and start out with the topic of what the trip did to our relationship.
Thus, the burning moment.
So while I occasionally have the kind of burning moments that make me think I have a UTI, the burning moment I’d like to discuss is actually the thing that stood out most in my mind about our trip to Japan:
For the entire two weeks, I felt like our dynamic had been totally turned on its head.
I’ve felt like this once before actually. The time I brought my ex-hubby to Australia and because he didn’t understand the langauge and relied on me totally for everything, he suddenly stopped being my hubby and became my bitch.
Now I’m not going to say that Master became my bitch in Japan for fear of truly awful consequences because that wouldn’t strictly be true, but honestly, he spent the two weeks without even as much as 1 yen in his pocket and when I said, “Run!” he said, “Look bitch, you’re fucking stupid” “Which platform?”
I didn’t really think about it much until the night I went off to have drinks and a chat with my ex-hubby (it’s another huge story that will be divulged at a later date). He ended up having a little more time than I thought and it took me longer to get home than expected, meaning that I got back to the hotel nearly two hours later than I’d originally told Master. Things were made worse by the fact that I’d forgotten to take the hotel’s phone number with me, so when I was going to call him to say I’d be late, I couldn’t and I was completely uncontactable as far as Master was concerned.
Suffice to say, the Man was pissed off and rightly so. He also said that he was thinking what would happen if he had to fill out a missing person’s report and that the interview with the police would go something like this:
“Where did she go?”
“I don’t know.”
“What was the name of the person she was going to meet?”
“I don’t know.”
“Where is her passport?”
“I don’t know.”
‘What are your future travel plans?”
“I don’t know.”
And so on and so forth.
To add to my feelings of being totally in control, there was also a twenty-four-hour period where my collar was removed and apparently I became nancy about having it put back on again and there were “attitude issues” while it was off.
Getting dressed up in the white make-up and the kimono necessitated that I have a bare neck so he grudgingly obliged and took the collar off about 5 mins before we left the hotel that morning. We’d taken the allen key just in case there was a security issue with the plane or something – which there wasn’t – and it was lucky that we did. I don’t think the photos would look the same with the big chunk of metal around my neck.
He wanted to put it back on as soon as we returned to the hotel that night, but I asked if I could have a bath first. A few too many drinks, some late night snacks and a chronic lack of sleep made me fall asleep without taking a bath that night and when he went to put it on the next morning, I protested that I hadn’t had a bath yet.
Apparently that was a bad thing to do.
But it went on anyway so I tramped off to the communal bath and prepared myself for yet another unfulling bathing moment where I just quite couldn’t clean my neck properly.
Personally, I don’t think there were attitude issues on my side at all, but I did notice that while I wasn’t wearing the collar, Master was a lot grumpier than normal. I don’t know whether the fact that I was running around town collarless disturbed him or whether he was just having his man-period not feeling well since he’d managed to catch a cold, but he noticeably cheered up once it went back on.
Now, in his defence as Uberdom Master of the World, it would be remiss of me at this point not to say that I did get ‘centred’ on the bullet train by being made to kneel on the floor on the carriage at every station and a video was made of my confession about being nancy. There was also a policy of SMC (suck my cock) as we arrived at each new destination so we had SMC -KL, SMC-Tokyo, SMC- Kyoto etc. Generally once we’d put down our luggage in our new hotel room, he’d announce it was SMC TIME and take position. Every time he said it, I couldn’t stop the strains of MC Hammer going through my head.
I suppose it must have been very relaxing for him in the sense that he was taken from one location to the next, checked into hotels and all the cash transactions handled for him. All he had to do was sit back and enjoy the ride. If the situation had been reversed, however, I would have wanted to know what our schedule was and what was happening so I could maintain some semblance of control. I would have taken an active part in the planning and taken a slightly more proactive role than he did.
Of course, if you ask him about it, he’ll say that his bitch in the silver thingie was handling everything and could you bring him another drink.