Whine & you shall receive

Apparently if you whine about a lack of releases, sometimes the man will grant you a couple. Yes, people, I officially have two releases up on the fridge door with an expiry date of today and the gods, being so kind, saw it fit to give me my period two hours ago. If it wasn’t so tragic, I’d be laughing.

Master has also written a blog about my release situation. From his point of view, I have to earn my releases and I understand the theory of that, but the reality is that it’s a bit of a ‘you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours’ situation.  Just like every other human being, I want to get something out of what I do. I don’t want to be constantly giving down a black-hole of slavery where nothing is returned to me. And while I understand that releases are things to be earned by doing things that please him, I really don’t get motivated to please him unless there’s something to sweeten the deal.

We go around in circles sometimes because he wants to be pleased and I want to be pleased, but he won’t please me unless I please him and I want him to please me so I can please him. What comes first, you please me or I please you? Chicken? Egg? Omelette?

Actually I don’t need to be pleased beforehand. I don’t need three mind-altering orgasms before I feel like I want to suck his cock, I just need a sign, a glimmer, that somewhere, sometime, my needs are going to be addressed. At the moment I just feel like I’m staring into a big, black pit with no light at the end of it whatsoever.

Yes, I know I’m hormonal, nancy and suffering from chocolate withdrawal, but seriously, what does a person have to do to get tied up and played with a bit around here??? And if that’s asking too much, how about you let me take care of my own needs before I start climbing the walls and and writing desperate-sounding blog posts that are going to get you hate mail?

I say constantly that the act of wearing the shiny thing doesn’t change how I feel or the basic facts of my humanity. Locking that band of metal around my neck doesn’t suddenly make my needs go away or focus my entire being on serving and being pleasing. I’m the same person with the collar as without the collar. More than anything, my collar is an outward symbol to other people of what I am. It’s like a name-tag with my name on it or a t-shirt that says, ‘Ho’, even if I don’t have something defining who or what I am that the world can see, I’m still the same person inside.

Because I don’t have a need to serve or a button that gets pushed by doing his laundry/cleaning his toilet/tottering around the house in boots, there are times I need to have my needs met. I need to get a little something out of this relationship too, ya’know?

And that’s what I think he forgets sometimes.I often feel that he thinks once the collar goes on, his part his done.

But isn’t that actually just the beginning?

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12 thoughts on “Whine & you shall receive

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  1. I hesitated to comment, cuz I’m only a n00bish sub, not a slave, so I know I don’t know much about how things work for you.
    But I have been in a long term relationship where my orgasms were continually curtailed (due to a physical issue on his part,) and one thing I do know, from experience, is that the expression “Use it or lose it” is real. Too much orgasm denial can work against you. Long term, it doesn’t create a burning desire to come so much as it makes you learn how to turn off you libido. You can end up disinterested in sex and resentful of the person who created the situation. That resentment becomes very difficult to keep out of the rest of the relationship. It can get ugly…
    (Besides, if you’re no longer interested, using sex as the carrot to make you want to please is kind of a moot point.)

    I hope a mutually acceptable compromise is in your future…

    1. Each time I have a release drought, I can feel that it gets harder and harder to claw my way back into being interested about sex. I do have to switch off in order to cope and I can see my body settling very comfortably into a ‘never turned’ on phase that will be difficult to escape from.

      I do resent him now because I feel like I’m being ‘made old before my time’. These are the years when I’m supposed to be reaching my sexual peak and finally enjoying sex for the first time now that i’m comfortable with who I am, but instead I’m being denied and not allowed out of the box.

      I’m not sure about the compromise. We’ll see I guess…

  2. The release thing sucks, you know that? Of course you know that. Sure, his deal, his choice, his slave. I get that… But MAN, I don’t get the logic. (Where’s his blog? Maybe I’ll get it if I locate his blog post about it…)

    I mean, being long-distance, I PURPOSELY cut myself off from orgasms. I pack up my sex toys, tape the box shut, and say goodbye. You know why? Because not getting ’em KILLS MY SEX DRIVE. And that’s just what I need when I don’t have The Man here – a totally dead, don’t wanna do nothin’, lack-o-give-a-fuck when it comes to Happy Times. Once in a while, it will flare up, but it’s a desperate surge of flame from a dying fire.

    If, on the other hand, I’m getting off daily, several orgasms a day perhaps, maybe thrown in a couple hours of denial, you know, to make me wriggle and moan and beg and say stupid things I would not otherwise say…. Anyway, if I’m getting off regularly (and many of those times are at my own hand), sex is ALL I can think about. Everything is suddenly sexy. Every time I drift away in my head, it’s sexual fantasy. The Man takes a prominent place in my thoughts in ways he doesn’t when I’m not fantasizing. Then I get all hot and bothered and I’m just DESPERATE to get on my knees, to be pleasing, to appear desirable, to be what he wants me to be. But, for me at least, when I’m first locking up the sex toys, I don’t spend all my time fantasizing about serving my Man, or sucking cock, or getting hit or anything. I spend all my time doing everything in my power to SQUASH those images.

    I don’t think it can possibly be super helpful for a slave’s attitude, or happiness or desire to serve when she has to sit around actively trying to eliminate fantasies of use, abuse, service (whatever blows her hair back)… I think it’s sort of counter productive.

    I haz a sad 4 u.

    ~Chloe

    1. Thanks once again for an AWESOME comment Chloe. I agree with you 100%. I think the whole denial thing is counter productive, but then I have to remind myself that me being a ‘sexual being’ is perhaps not what he wants – which would be fine in a fantasy world where he does nothing but beat me and use me as a glory hole – but the reality is that I’m 33 and I still have a few good years of being a sexual being left in me and I don’t want my body to switch off before it’s time.

      It is one of those sucky impasse moments about slavery that I just don’t want to ahve to deal with.

  3. I’m with Chloe on this one and I thought the same thing when I read your blog yesterday. While it is his perogative, it seems to me that master’s should take into account the different ways their slaves are wired. I’m the same way. Continued denial, without any play at all, and my desire goes out the window. Then it’s just…meh, can we watch some TV? Denial with teasing, touching, playing…work on his part…and I’m a sexual mess. I can’t concentrate on schoolwork, I’m having dirty thoughts while washing the dishes, and I’m certainly going out of my way to please him!

    1. I do think it’s a case of give and take – you’ve got to give a little and take a little and then you both reap the rewards.

  4. OK I admit I might be simple and totally missing the point here but I just gotta ask………..
    Why aren’t you getting those “releases” when booted and in his bed versus finding them alone on your own? Not being cheeky here, just genuinely curious. Does he not allow you to orgasm when he uses you?

    1. Because it’s not ‘about me’ when I’m naked, booted & in his bed. I’m just there for his use and pleasure and that’s as far as it goes.

      My pleasure is for a separate time and I’m okay with that – what I’m not okay with is not having pleasure…ever.

  5. Um, just to be clear… you did write this post, yes? Because seriously, I thought I was reading my own thoughts there for a moment (minus the evil gods punishing you right now).

    I am so totally forwarding this to Master, as a reminder.

    Thank you! And I hope you get your needs met soon!

  6. I can make assumptions on what being “nancy” means but I am wondering if you could explain it to me! I am guessing I too have nancy moments!

    1. Nancy=antsy=bratty=not being very ‘slave-like’ and very often shrill.

      Master uses the word nancy, but I’ve always said antsy. It might be a Master special 🙂

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