When he’s sick

I was thinking about what was behind my little outburst in my last post. Well, I don’t know if you can really call it an ‘outburst’, as much as it was simply me telling the truth instead of saying what I think he wants to hear.

I’ll admit that I do that a lot – the saying what I think he wants to hear stuff. Not so much here, but in my interactions with Master. I used to tell him the truth during interrogation sessions and I remember once he said that it ‘interupted the flow’ or something along those lines. Upon reflection, I can see how an interchange of:

“What are you?

“I’m your slave and property.”

helps the flow so much more than:

“What are you?”

“Your whiny & often annoyingly mouthy bitch-cum-slave whose arm is now dead from you pinning me to the bed with it.”

I’ve also learned that telling the truth often gets me pinched by Master’s fingers of death and so to save my skin (quite literally) I give him what he wants to hear straight up so that I can remain bruise-free.

But anyway, I was thinking that there is a situation that often tips me over the edge into outburst territory and that’s when he’s sick – not the makes-me-all-juicy kind of ‘sick’, but the am-I-going-to-have-to-call-an-ambulance? kind of ‘sick’.

Master is sick at the moment and it’s about the sickest I’ve ever seen him since we’ve been together. Unlike every other man I’ve ever been around, Master really has to be sick before he will admit to being sick and even then he’ll gruffly say ‘I’m fine’ after a coughing fit that leaves him breathless and barely standing. He actually got sent home from work yesterday for the first time in his life and I’ve been deathly worried to the extent that I’ve crept up to his door at various times during the night to check that he’s still breathing (yeah, I know that irrational fear, but I’m stupid like that…)

Now I know he’s sick and I’m supposed to be looking after him and everything, but along with the worry about him, I’ve also got this growing feeling of becoming less and less of an M/s relationship because, well, he’s not in a position to be in control of me.

It’s totally fucked up but it’s happened before. I remember being with my first owner and things blew up between us after several bouts of sickness on his part. Of course, there were underlying problems between us to begin with, but his repeated colds (that he also used as another excuse as to why we didn’t play anymore) brought things to a head and lead me to ask to have my collar removed.

Things with Master are fine and I’m not saying we’re on the verge of a break-up or anything, but I just find it really messed up that instead of being able to wait patiently for my SO to get better and things to resume as normal, I actually get irritated and let rip with thoughts that are best talked through when both parties are able-bodied.

I’m not sure whether it’s the sense of suddenly being thrust into the driver’s seat that makes me panic and become all emotional, but I really find it sad that instead of being compassionate and caring at the times when he needs me, once more I become totally focussed on me, my problems and I.

Does it have to be about me all the time?

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9 thoughts on “When he’s sick”

  1. I’m surprised that at the times your Master needs his slave to look after him the most, you think that it puts you into a ‘control’ position and decide that you can’t do it. It’s when the Master is sick that the slave is really needed as ‘the slave’, to look after him, care for him, and get him everything he needs.

    I think you should be considering what it means to be a slave, because from some of the posts I’ve read of yours, you seem to really resent it. To the point that when you’re actually ‘needed’ as a slave, you decide you can’t be.

    I suspect that you’re not a slave at all, and you’re just playing at it. When push comes to shove, your true nature is showing through.

    1. welll have no criticism of kitten attention to me during my illness she has constantly asked if l needed or wanted drugs, got me things for my throat in Japan, given me special brow mops with her hands, cooked my meals and brought me drinks.

      Again what she thinks of her slavery isn’t an issue to me, she can’t change her status she is a slave all she can do is get less beatings or gain more releases by modifying her behaviour.

      The only person who needs to think about her as a slave is me l am her Master

      The only one who can determine is she good enough right enough needs to be modified in any way is me

      She can whine moan angst blog as much or as little as she likes it’s me that decided things and she has slowly learned that she can’t win or determine anything l do win all the time l am right all the time l can change things when and how l want l can give her things when and for what l want.

      She still manages to delude herself from time to time she can influence me but she can’t it’s a game we play and a game l enjoy watching her play, letting her have a littel victory now and again sololey to keep her interested in playing a game l enjoy.

      She is a slave and animal and something for my pleasure and enjoyment in anyway l want to take that pleasure and enjoyment

      Now do you get it or are you another kitten

      1. What I get is that you’re happy with your ‘slave’ disrespecting her Master in public. Which, if you’re happy with it, is fine. Whatever works for you. 🙂

        However, if you don’t like people making comments about your slave publicly complaining about her role as a slave, you shouldn’t be allowing her to do so. It only makes you look bad, since you’re the one supposedly in control.

        Also, for you to take public comments about your slave’s complaining as a challenge to you, says more about you as a ‘Master’ than anything else. And trying to insult people on your slave’s blog just makes you look small.

        Enjoy your games.

    2. It is always nice to read an opinion. I never ever would have figured out subtles true motivations if it wasnot for you.

      Thanks Alan, you are a great help. Ever considered a carreer in psychology. You sound like a natural to me.

      Anne

  2. OMG, you’re not a twoooo slave! You have opinions! OMG! What’ll we do?!?

    😉

    I know many of us submissives experience these feelings when our Dominants are not actively domming. I don’t feel that you should be made to feel guilty about it, and, if your Master is fine with the way you “slave” (as shown in the comment above) then f*** the other people.

  3. I agree with the guy… it does say a lot. It says that He isnt too big a pussy to stand up for HIS PROPERTY in her blog which ultimately belongs to HIM as much as she does.

    It also says a lot when some muttonhead feels a need to deem himself all knowing and bash a slave and her Master in their own space.

    1. actually, this is public space, allowing visitors to make comments. If it was private, in their own space, then none of us would be seeing this.

  4. A slave is not a perfect creature and she will have thoughts that are so un-slavish 😛 hurray for kittens Master for allowing her the outlet to express those thoughts so that it doesn’t fester inside and affect her level of service!

    Its ok kitten, you can come join the rest of us in “bad slave” town 🙂 You know…the one populated by un-twue slaves who have the audacity to speak our mind yet provide our Masters with the level of service they are happy and pleased with.

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