Dear Alan

Thanks for the comment. It’s always refreshing to hear *yet another* view that I’m a bad slave. I’ve always questioned whether I really am a slave or not, so thanks for clearing it up for me by saying that I’m just ‘playing at it’ based on your observations from afar πŸ™‚

I had a look at your blog because you left a link and I’m always curious about who reads me. So you have an on-line slave and less than a year’s experience? Funnily enough, I don’t think I’ve ever had a comment saying I was a crap slave from anyone other than those who live in lala land.

Amazingly, there also seems to be a correlation between people who really haven’t experienced M/s in real life and those who feel the need to tell other people they are doing it wrong.

Now before you tell me that online M/s is equally as ‘real’ or ‘more real’ than real life, let me tell you that I’ve done both several times and it’s not.


Trust me on this one.

In fact, I’ve had three on-line M/s “relationships” and of those, two developed into real life M/s situations where I packed up my bags and went to live with the person I’d been a devoted on-line slave to for months. The realities I found when I actually got there were very, very different. Everyday life was very, very different to the ‘perfectness’ of on-line life where there is no ‘life’ and just pure play and it was incredibly harder.

My first owner, whom I fell head-over-heels in devotion for, turned out to be a very different person to the persona he had presented to me on-line. We’d chatted for hours, talked on the phone for hours and done the webcam thing. I thought I knew everything about him and that we’d slide seamlessly into M/s in real life. He lied to me, cheated me out of considerable sums of money and, as I found out later, had a past that still sends chills down my spine. People are not always who you think they are and that can be said about both the Master and the slave in the relationship equally.

My second and current owner is also someone I met online. We chatted for months on-line and did the long-distance M/s stuff before I finally decided to go and live with him and be his twoo slave. We’ve been living together for nearly 4 years now and it’s been hard, really hard for both of us. There have been meltdowns, re-adjustments, removal of collars, re-collarings, crying, screaming and many arguments. Wow…if you take out the ‘collar’ stuff in that description it looks like I just described a ‘normal’ relationship – because ultimately that’s what it is. All of the arguments, adjustments and compromises are all part and parcel of learning to live with another human being and sharing your lives together. There are family, friends, job issues, pets, housing, bills etc. (all the stuff that never pops up in on-line relationships) to deal with as well as the M/s stuff. That’s what makes it hard – life. Life is so much harder than the M/s stuff.

I don’t say I’m a good slave or pretend to be something I’m not and the fact is, I’m still learning how to please and serve. Β And even though I may not be ‘here’ for Master emotionally sometimes, like when he’s sick as I wrote in my last post, at least I’m physically here, as in five metres from his bedside and my slavery is not dependent on an internet connection.

Sarcasm aside, I’m still looking for that definite moment when I can finally say to myself, ‘Yes, I’m a slave and that’s what I was meant to be’ but until then, I’ll keep working through my feelings and laying it all bare here. If what I say goes against your sensibilities as an owner of another slave, just don’t read it, okay?

(Oh and one last thing…above and beyond that on-line vs real life stuff, keep in mind that you’re not qualified to make any sort of judgement on my ability to be a slave because I’m not yours. The only person who has the right to give me a yay or nay on the state of my slavery is the one who holds the end of my leash – Master. Meaning not you, me or anyone else really has a right to pass judgement on what is his.)


8 thoughts on “Dear Alan

Add yours

  1. Hmm, so apart from being a total nitwit, he is having an online slave… OMG.

    Ever tried the real world Alan? There is a huge difference between typing all the right answers and living the dream. Lets not be childish, but just think about the pain my Master inflicts upon me, when the mood strikes him. How he can humiiate me, how I have literaly no place to hide from him, how I have to serve him. I cannot hide, i am living it.

    I am a careerwoman, I have a very dominant profession and I am owned too. I am at times a lousy slave, I do not have to wear a shiny thing and I really don’t get why i am so lucky to have him for my Master. Still he loves me, owns me and controls and accepts me as his slave.I am proud he does, as subtle is proud too.

    I, like subtle, have no idea when we high maintenance woman, can finaly say that we are slaves and that nothing else matters. I believe it shows our dedication to our Owners and our dream to serve them better in real life and make them proud.

    I do not resent the service per se, I hust observe hoe much better i should be and wonder how i am going to get there. And in that process, I wonder, I hesitate and I am scared.


  2. Speaking as someone who is still in the transition from online to real life…oh yeah. HUUUUGE difference. Down to who sleeps on what side of the bed. The kinks (not the kinky ones) take a long time to work out and its a process that while both frustrating, is rewarding on a learning to serve level. Anyone who thinks that you can just slide from e-slave to real slave is sooooo wrong!

    Which is why I whinge a lot in my blog…at least I think I do πŸ˜›

  3. God forbid you could actually be a real person living a real time M/s deal, and omg how dare you have feelings and shit you need to process. What makes some dude doing online shit all knowing. What in the hell gives some random dude on the interwebz an expert view on your relationship … oh thats right he’s an asstard.

    Freekin funneh.

  4. Anyone want to place bets that Alan is actually single?

    Really pisses me of when people with no connection to a couples D/s relationship feel the need to proclaim ‘you’re doing it wrong’. My only response is ‘Thank you for reminding me why I’m not doing it with you’.

    More power to you and your Master (and when he is sick, kick his stubborn ass and make sure he does what he needs to get better, it’s the kind of service he obviously needs and only his slave can provide).

  5. gawd, Another one?

    Its sort of like finding termites. squash one and there is another one of the S.O.Bs.

    Real life is never like the online.

    The girl is human, not some automaton. Niether is the master, dom, or domme,

    Humans are not perfect. Humans that live on line are completely fake.

    Don’t let the joyboy bother you girl.

    I wish you well.

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