The slavery post or is that post slavery?

M has always used word porn as foreplay. It’s the prelude to a ravishing and quite different to your normal ‘dirty talk’. During word porn he normally talks about what he wants to do to me, his plans for the future and how he hopes to continue to make me feel my slavery.

The first ravishing after I went back to freedom was really strange – he was quiet. In fact we were both quiet. And he seemed to be constantly grappling for something to hold me with since I no longer had the shiny thing around my neck. Lacking a ring with which to loop his finger through, he settled for my ear. It was kind of cute – in a bizarre way.

M’s word porn over the past few days has turned into a bit of Q & A session. He asks questions and I ask questions. The only problem is, neither of us has any answers.

He asks questions like, “Are you my slut?”, “What is your cunt for?” & “What do my rings through your cunt still make you feel?”

And I ask questions like, “Why do I have to do the ouchie stuff?”, “Why do I have to be your slave?” & “Why can’t we just be us without the labels?”

See? The impossible questions that just don’t have any answers, keep spewing forth.

After much thought and pondering, I’ve come to the conclusion that my biggest problem with slavery is that I don’t see the point. I don’t understand why he needs to have me as ‘property’. He has me now, what difference does the label make?

I think I would have fewer problems with slavery if he was a sadist and we were constantly playing. If we were doing stuff all the time and I lived in a constantly state of use and pain and whatever have you not, I’d understand why he wanted a slave. I would totally agree that he needed a slave that he could do whatever he wanted to at the drop of a hat if he was that way inclined, but he’s not.

He says that the ‘option’ of being able to do whatever he wants to do to me, whenever he wants is what he wants – whether he exercises it or not. To me, I don’t see that the struggling and questioning and emotional toll that the whole ‘slave’ concept takes on me, is worth what little use the ‘slave’ aspect of my life gets.

Now, I’m not complaining about lack or play and stuff, because seriously, I don’t want to do it. I’m totally fine with zero play because it means that I don’t have to have ouchie stuff done to me or do things that I don’t want to do.

He said to me last night that he wants to cane me. And I was like, “Why??” And he said that he ‘enjoys it’.

And it’s little exchanges like that, that totally send my head into a spin. I mean, if you enjoy something, you do it often, right?

I enjoy bondage, so I tie myself up at least once a week, sometimes, two or three times. It’s something that I’ve always done and will continue to do because I enjoy it. I like omelettes, I eat omelettes. I like reading blogs, I read blogs.

I can’t remember the last time that he caned me. Maybe….ummm…five months ago? Six? I can’t even remember. To me, that doesn’t sound like something he “enjoys”. I can’t help but think every time he mentions it, that he’s only doing it because it’s what is expected of him as a “dom”. I can’t think that it is something he actively seeks out because he wants to and that annoys me immensely!! I mean, don’t do the stuff if you’re only doing it because everyone else is!!

I suppose here is the point that he would say, ‘I don’t do it often because you don’t like it.’

And that sends me into another head spin because isn’t the whole slavery thing supposed to be me submitting to stuff regardless of my feelings and him doing what he wants also regardless of my feelings?

Which brings me back to the point of, if that’s not the case, why bother?

To date, he hasn’t given me one reason to be his slave other than, “Because I want you to be.”

I’m not sure that’s enough.

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17 thoughts on “The slavery post or is that post slavery?

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  1. I m not sure. It seems to me, you made a fundamental change in your relationship. There is no other way of handling this than to go with it. I am not sure M can change and adapt towards a concensus that makes both of you happy. In the end, you couldnot change and adapt towards something that made him happy. So no garantee he will be able to do so. It will be hard. Still you are right, there is a lot more in your relationship than D/s, so try and make the most of it. Allow yourselve to be surprised.

    Good luck.

    Love Anne

    1. Yes, it’s a fundamental change and I don’t think we can go back to exactly where we were before.

      I’m still remaining open to change and things, but I’ve got a feeling that I need to move forward as opposed to going backwards.

    1. Yes, and that’s what I have a problem with. The other problem is that there may not be a logical reason behind it just that it’s what he wants.

  2. “Why can’t we just be us without the labels?”

    Because that doesn’t float his boat the way it does when you are his slave. Just like it doesn’t do it for you when you ARE his slave. You guys have conflicting wants. It’s that simple.

    “And it’s little exchanges like that, that totally send my head into a spin. I mean, if you enjoy something, you do it often, right?”

    I enjoy going to the opera, but I don’t go every week.

    “And that sends me into another head spin because isn’t the whole slavery thing supposed to be me submitting to stuff regardless of my feelings and him doing what he wants also regardless of my feelings?”

    He could, but at the same time he doesn’t want to. He WANTS to take your feeling into account. There is no “shoulds” in D/s. It’s a matter of what the top wants to do.

    Not saying you are wrong, but merely posing a differing viewpoint or two.

    1. Thanks Lexi for giving me a view of the other side of the coin. I guess one of the problems is that what floats your boat is never going to be logical – it’s not something you can explain or justify so M’s thing about having me as his slave because it floats his boat is not something I’m ever going to understand.

  3. Maybe I’m still blocked here, don’t know…

    But anyway: Weird that this big change has happened now; just as I predicted it would, and my prediction angered you both so much you deleted my comments and blocked me. No matter. You’ve split over the issue I tried to draw your attention to many months ago, because, in essence, you were not suited, and, moreover, you are no slave and M is no Master. I agree with Lexi’s remarks; just as I’ve agreed with others. You prefer preaching to the gallery, of course – all that ‘it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to’ stuff.

    I think there’s brinkmanship here. Will you call M’s bluff and stand your ground – as girlfriend rather than all that slave pretending? Will he eject you on the basis that he doesn’t want a girlfriend? In your corner you have the desperation of a late-middle-aged man, who might just prefer a blonde on his arm to nothing. In his corner, he has your impending homelessness… a big factor. Will he stick to his principles or rework them as if he’s had a change-of-heart?

    You’ve always seemed more or less vanilla to me… tv, food, X-Box, his cars and computer-talk. You’re right to wonder what kind of D/s relationship that amounts to. It doesn’t, and you’re better for that realisation. I will you well. The only think that ever bothered me was when you used your sour experience to rubbish others… saying there’s no such thing as a real and successful Master/slave relationship. There is, just not yours.

    I fear that if M does roll over and you become his g/f, you’ll seek more and more compromises from him in his defeat. You strike me as the kind that is never happy and cannot be so; being at your happiest when you are moaning about something and getting sympathy. Isn’t all this just attention-seeking on your part?

    1. What a stunningly unhelpful post by ‘anonymous’ above, in which they build themselves a little podium of false authority and from it preach according to their vision. Unfortunately that vision doesn’t seem able to take in two people trying to understand their complex relationship and figure out where they might go from here. Instead it’s an unhelpful iteration of ‘I told you so’s, and the inevitable cry of “there IS true D/s; it’s just that you’ve failed at it”. In spite of claiming to will Ms Subtle well, they reduce almost everything to a lowest common denominator so that M is just a desperate late-middle-aged man, Ms Subtle is really just a ‘vanilla’ attention seeker who can never be happy. Their post is drenched with the sourness they accuse Ms Subtle of and I hope that neither M nor Ms S become infected with its negativity.

    2. Hi Ubu,

      I do find it continually amusing that you still read my blog even though, many times, you’ve proclaimed it to be drivel and attention-seeking behaviour on my part. It’s always nice to have the extra bump in page views from you and the occasional comment that usually goes straight into my spam box.

      (It’s also interesting how you continually try to find ways around the ban, like you’re some desperate person with a voice that needs to be heard. You might want to remember this is just a two-bit blog lost in the mass of the innernets and anything you write here is not going to change the world.)

      But one thing you do forget, I never banned you for having an opinion. I banned you for being abusive towards other people and before I did that, I even warned you. If you had played nice with the others, I would not have done it, so please stop continuing to say that I banned you for ‘being right’ or being critical.

  4. Oh, good. The appointed representative of the M/s Licensing Board is here.

    Let’s be honest, Anon. No one knows what really goes on in anyone else’s relationship. Whether you were able to play Winner Of The Internet and correctly guess the demise of a partnership or not, you’re in no better position to judge the workings of their relationship any more than the rest of us are, even if you’ve stood in their house every day for the last 4 years.

    As for “you’ve always seemed more or less vanilla to me” – nice dig. Because Gord knows every M/s relationship is only real if the slave is always naked and wearing cuffs and the Owner is always barking orders and striding about in leather pants. I’m sure I’m “more or less vanilla” and “no slave” by many people’s reckoning because dirty diapers and laundry play a much larger role in my life than beatings or meditating on how gosh-darned perfect my Owner is. Hell, Lexi up there can’t possibly be a slave because she’s allowed to have a job and leave the house.

    But hey, thanks for coming out and giving us your tiresome rendition of “Kink: You’re Doing It Wrong”.

    1. Lol@ “M/s Licensing Board”

      How’s your application going biddie? I’m guessing now without the shiny thingie, my application is going to be going nowhere fast 🙂

  5. As a long time collared slave, i think that the needs, wants, and desries of both the Master and slave must be considered if the relationship is to be viable. In the first place, the relationship exists because i want to be a sub or slave, and not because the other partner deems it to be so with no input or consent from me. There must be a quid pro quo and balance. When master and i stop talking about the good and bad things in our relationship, and making adjustments, it degrades quickly.

    i want to please him, but it is a two way street in the long run. i have needs, no matter how ‘strange’, that have to be satisfied as i must satisfy his needs and desires. Then at times, i just get tired of wearing the collar and being a slave. Presently i am fighting the desire to be a vanilla person. Maybe all slaves need a vacation from their slavery about once a year.

  6. i like that every time i come here at the moment your blog is sporting a new outfit! 😉

    this one is kinda like a newspaper (which kinda suits the ‘subtletimes’ moniker. heh.)

    i hope you and m manage to sort something out whereby you are both getting your itches scratched together. i thankyou for writing about this all so candidly…in my blog reading it seems that most people in this situation just disappear for a while (which can be understandable too) i just want you to know i for one appreciate your openness. i’ll stop rambling now. kthanxbai

  7. hmmm .. as a person of color who is a submissive .. not a slave … i think i get it …. i know that its not foe me .. but i get it … slaves .. those in bible times an those down deepin the south didnt appy for it – they just were …. did they want to go .. yes .. did they serve and most serve well … yessss … why .. cause they were made to .. not cause they were asked if they wanted to … nor if they said ‘yes ! treat me as slave ‘ … and that is why i am not one .. and i have a feeling that that is why it doesnt work for you … now your Master / Owner / Keeper …. thats a diff story …. to have property is important – to keep property is tricky … to do it right in this day and age … its difficult .. im not looking to make anything better here – just laying it out ….. maybe something to think about

  8. Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

    Cheers
    Christian, iwspo.net

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