Thinking aloud

That’s pretty much what I use my blog for –  thinking ‘aloud’. I find it useful to get the thoughts that are buzzing around my brain out of my head and into something else. If I didn’t get the thoughts out every so often, I’m pretty sure that something would break inside me.

I just wanted to say that because I was reading back through my blog and it seems very disjointed. It kind of rubs me up the wrong way that it’s not one long cohesive narrative, but it’s the best I can do when I need to spew verbatim before it shoots out my nose.

(sorry for that vivid image…)

So yesterday’s post was a good example of that. It was just something that I needed to say.

Actually I did tell M the other day that the slavery thing wasn’t working for me. His reaction was of course that it was ‘too late’ for me, I’d made my choice to be a slave and whether it ‘worked for me or not’ that’s what I was. That sounds disturbing like a marriage vow, doesn’t it? For better or for worse and all that crap. Except, I guess with marriage you can always get a divorce.

But what can you do in the case of slavery?

I guess that’s where Mastercide (or is it Ownercide?) comes into it 😉

Not much to report here. M had to make his own fruit scones because I was busy raiding on WoW and I gave him a haircut that made him look like Hitler.

Actually when he looked at my handiwork in the mirror he did his very best Hitler rant and it was disturbingly similar to this – except, of course,  without subtitles. I think he has been watching too many of those amusing Hitler videos on youtube.

I didn’t give him a Hitler haircut on purpose, though. As I pointed out to him mid-rant, it’s difficult to cut someone’s hair when you can’t see them front-on. He said that he offered to sit away from his computer – which was true. But I wanted him to amuse himself on his computer because I like to take things slowly and without amusement, his normally short fuse becomes even shorter and I’m not a big fan of being yelled at any time. But after the Hitler rant, I’ve decided it’s better to be able to see him front-on and perhaps he can amuse himself with looking at my boots or something (*makes mental note to always wear boots when cutting hair*)

I also finished week one of the c25k programme on Friday and with the enthusiasm of a total n00b, I’m going to say that I’m actually looking forward to starting week 2. Yes people, put on your ice skates because hell has officially frozen over – I’m looking forward to running.

I was actually thinking about starting week 2 today, but I’m not sure whether monsoon-like rain and 125km winds are conducive to running. We are supposed to be going to a friend’s house today but M has spent most of the morning on the toilet so I’m not sure whether we will be leaving the house.

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9 thoughts on “Thinking aloud

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  1. this is just my thoughts here so dont shoot me.

    *that it was ‘too late’ for me, I’d made my choice to be a slave and whether it ‘worked for me or not’ that’s what I was.*

    nothing is too late and if its not working for you/me/them/whoever its time to take stock and move on..

    yes being a slave is tangible however if its not there its not there and no amount of being told you/me/them ect are a slave will change that and make it so.

    first and foremost you/me/them ect are human and slavery is consensual and is entered into, if ones life as a slave changes then that person cant be forced to be a slave just on someone elses say so.

    1. Why would I shoot you? 😉

      You know as well as I do that you can’t force someone to do kink. You either enjoy it and want to do it or you don’t. I can go through the motions regardless of my feelings and he can ‘treat’ me like a slave regardless of whether I want to be or not.

      He wouldn’t force me and I wouldn’t be forced and he can call me whatever he wants but that doesn’t turn me into anything. That’s what I was trying to say.

  2. oh i sooo want to see pics of the haircut! *snigger*

    I can’t believe you are doing your running OUTSIDE! in WINTER! *shudder*
    I joined a 24hr gym and it’s awesome. I started Week 3 of the magazine version today (5mins run interspersed with 2 min walk). It was def more of a challenge than Week 2, but by the end of the reps i wanted to keep going, lol! Must be those endorphins we’re getting hooked on, eh? 😉 (Hey maybe that has replaced your slavery *high*???)

    1. It was just a bit longer on one side than the other and when he started ranting at me and pulling the hair saying, “Look you stupid bitch!” it was oh-so-Hitleresque ala youtube.

      Outside…yes, in winter…in the day time. But this is Perth where it’s a balmy 18 degrees during winter and people wear thongs (the shoe kind) and short-sleeved shirts all year around.

      I wouldn’t say I was getting a high from the jogging, more a ‘God, I want this whole programme to be over as quickly as possible!’ kind of thing. I’m not a runner and don’t think I ever will be one…lol.

    1. Yes, interesting article 🙂 I know I’m definitely not alone in my thoughts. My big difference though is that I don’t have the ‘love of serving’ meaning that I’m possibly only doing this because I said I would and not because I’m getting anything out of it.

  3. thanks for your help with my japanese question!!

    also, i don’t really know your situation, but having read your LJ bio and some of these recent posts, you seem really sad as of late. 😦 i hope you find your way back into shiawase no naka ni soon…

    1. No problem!

      My tale is a long and confusing one. You’re right though, I’m not the happiest person in the world at the moment, but at the end of the day, who has a ‘perfect’ life?? There is ebb and flow in all things 🙂

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