Do I look like your umbrella bitch?

I had a slightly amusing Rihanna moment this morning.

It wasn’t raining when I left the house, but as I headed for the bus stop, it started sprinkling so I took the pop-up umbrella that I always carry in my bag out and put it up. (It’s very un-Australian of me to always carry an umbrella around, but hey, that’s what ten years in Japan does to you…)

Then it stopped sprinkling. So I put it away (because nothing makes you look more like a dickhead than walking around with an umbrella when it’s not raining).

Two minutes later it started raining again so out comes the umbrella. As I neared the bus stop, I saw the quirky kid that is there most mornings and who I always ignore. He is, by the way, my unofficial bus hailer (because I hate standing there with my arm out hailing a bus feeling like a dickhead). He and I have an unspoken agreement that he hails the bus i.e. he knows I won’t stick my hand out so he’s forced to do it by default.

So as I’m standing there ignoring him, as I always do, under my UM.BRE.LLA. ella ella, ay,ay,ay. It starts pissing down with rain and he doesn’t have an umbrella.

So he looks at me and asks, ‘Do you mind?’

And the next minute we’re standing there like two fucking love birds under my UM.BRE.LLA ella ella, ay,ay,ay. in the rain at a bus stop.

And I had to make CHIT CHAT!!


He’s one of the quirky kids that is in every class – short,  brainy and in his future I see an appearance on Beauty & The Geek. His backpack looks like it contains all the books of western civilisation and it’s so heavy that he can barely step up into the bus every morning.

He also takes an inordinate amount of time to actually step into the bus and swipe his card. It’s bizarre. I’m one of those people who likes to get on the bus and into the anonymity of a seat in exactly 0.35 seconds. I hate the feeling of everyone staring at you when you get on the bus and so I make sure that my entry is as speedy as possible.

Doors open. Step up. Swipe card. Scan for empty seat. Dive for seat.

I also have my preferred seat that is a little bit raised up so I get a good view of everyone getting on the bus, is not too close to the air-con vents that freeze your tits off and is not so far up the back that you get stuck up with the ‘bad’ kids. Nothing peeves me off more than someone stealing my seat, but it happens a little bit more than I like it to and sometimes I get ‘bus rage’ and feel the need to poke people with sharp pointy objects.

Ahhh…the joys of public transport.

So that was my morning in a nutshell for you.

The rest of my day just went down from there. I took 8 toilet breaks and went to check the mail 3 times (even though the mail is delivered once, and generally before I get to work) because I was SO. BORED.

Can I have some work with my job please?



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