Love by any other name

I was watching the movie,  He’s just not that into you last night and I got annoyed. Not only was I annoyed by the continual under-boob-sweat I was having (it’s been stoopid hot and humid here for several days now) but I was annoyed because – yet again- I got excited by a movie that hinted at the possibility of being able to be unmarried and live happily ever after only to be betrayed by the of-course-you-have-to-get-married-to-be-happy ending.

*possible spoilers following*

In case you haven’t seen it, Jennifer Anniston has been partners with Ben Affleck for seven years. They live together, have made commitments to each other and for all intents and purposes live as a married couple. He doesn’t want to get married because he doesn’t believe in it and doesn’t feel that it would change anything. Jennifer wants to get married and splits up with him after she asks him if he will ever marry her and he doesn’t answer.

I was happy when he stood by his principles and moved out. I wasn’t happy when he caved at the end of the movie and asked her to marry him because he realised that was the only thing that would make her happy.

Why the hell does he have to give in and give her everything she wants?

“Because he loves her,” said M to me in explanation after I’d ranted to him about how annoyed I was with the ending.

Well, it’s all fine and dandy that he loves her, but I can’t help feeling that he was forced into an ultimatum – you marry me or else I’m going to be on your back about marriage for the rest of your living years.

Why can’t she accept who he is and be happy with what she has?

I know I’m probably kicking myself in the head by watching chick flicks and expecting something other the fairytale ending, but  it’s 2011 not 1892 and I think we should be able to be happy without a rock on our finger.

I’m not sure why marriage is still the holy grail. I feel it’s about as out-dated as shoulder pads and blue eyeshadow. Gay couples can have children, transsexual males can be female cabin attendants, so why can’t a couple that is not married be seen to be ‘on par’ with a couple that is. Why is being married better?

Legally in Australia, a de-facto relationship that has continued for six months is exactly the same as a marriage, so there can’t be any sort of ‘property rights protection’ as a possible reason behind getting married. You can also be married and act like you aren’t, by keeping your maiden name and having separate lives. Marriage doesn’t protect you from a cheating partner or ensure that you have someone to help you raise kids. So why does it have to be the be all and end of life?

I find it all a bit bizarre.

Newsflash – I’m still getting rammed up the ass

And it’s not by Mr Pink, Mr Purple or a particularly firm cucumber either.

Just one word. Work.

I’ve been thinking about taking a futon to work and just crashing there instead of spending 2+ hours getting to and from work on top of my  ten-hour+ work days, but that would be entirely too Japanese of me.

Actually this week I’ve been having serious deja vu of when I was living and working in Japan. I’d normally get home at 9pm and sometimes as late as 11pm and then I’d be cooking dinner, bathing and falling into bed, only to get up a few hours later and do it all over again. Except the only difference was I wasn’t actually ‘working’ as much as I am now. The hours I spent at work were greater, but I wasn’t doing the amount of work I am doing now. Paperwork was swimming in front of my eyes by this afternoon and I just couldn’t seem to focus.

As a result of my conscientiousness at work over the past three weeks,  I’ve broken out into some sort of stress rash – the likes of which I haven’t seen since I was going through my divorce….lol.

So what does one do when one is stressed?

Buy shoes of course.

I hit the shops tonight and snagged a couple of pairs of shoes (for work…..) and a blouse (for work….). The fact that I only bought things for work kind of took the shine off it all, but hey….at least I have more shoes.

M came into town to pick me up when I finished shopping because he doesn’t like me going on public transport late at night (awwwww….so sweet). So while I waited for him, I bought myself a bubble tea and sucked away. I chose taro milk tea with black sago pearls and red beans. I think it was my second-ever bubble tea and the first I’ve had in Australia. I do love chewy things and as I gnashed at my sago, I reminded myself that it’s the weekend and I don’t have to go to work for TWO WHOLE DAYS!!!

I also got my first paycheck on Wednesday. Compared to my last job, I got a raise of….wait for it….$1.43/hr!

Yeah, I was beside myself.

But I am getting paid on a 40hr week instead of an 18 hr week, so I definitely have more money coming in – at least enough to cover the mortgage and our bills. Probably not enough for mortgage, bills, two pairs of shoes and a blouse, but meh.

I’m going to have to sit down and make a spreadsheet of the budget so we can figure out how to live within what I earn so we don’t keep eating into savings. I also opened up a bank account with a different bank because they were offering two percent more interest and that may just be the difference between having enough money to buy food and not.

I really have to stop buying shoes.

Shoes vs. food. What do you think?

P.S I’ve added another quirky Japan post here

Housekeeping & a return!

As I wrote in my post last week, my new job is severely hurting me in a place where the sun don’t shine. It’s been crazy and one day I was functioning on three hours of sleep (which actually caused me to fall asleep in the car on the way to somewhere with a load of customers in the car – fortunately I wasn’t driving…lol).

So, I’m pretty behind in my blogging.

And my cleaning.

And my answering of emails.

And just about everything else outside of work.

Actually I’m behind at work too and next week is not looking pretty either.

But I’ve managed to do a bit of blog housekeeping like updating the ‘About’ page and changing themes.

Bon appetit!

People are interesting part #367

So I take a browse through my search terms for this year and see these gems:

there’s someone going into my rear end!

surprised who sucked my dick

what to do to sex slave for a day -bible -auction -trafficking -rape

carrying umbrella looking like a twat

ever licked a hemmorhoid?

will a 24″ dildo fit in my ass?

is buttplugs bad for female pooper size

dawn dishwashing pelican

you want the job? suck my cock

face slapping with scat

ideal female hips for childbearing

butplug stuck up arse will it come out

wearing butt plug i feel like i need to shit

Then I get an email to say I’ve received a message on alt and I go there and find this gem:

I’m not sure if I’m more amused by his proposal or his interesting use of question marks??? Apparently he is confused by question marks??? A question mark on the end of a sentence does not a proposal make. Or maybe he’s not really sure about whether he wants to pay someone to shit in his mouth???

M thinks I should drop him an email and ask him how much he’s willing to pay whereas I’m not thinking about money,  I’m thinking about the logistics of how you crap into someone’s mouth…

And that brings to mind a very vivid image that is making me throw up in my mouth a bit…

Just a bit.

We’re only sixteen days into the new year people. If this is an indication of my year to come, this shall be a very entertaining year indeed.

One down, fifty one to go

Well I survived my first week at work…barely. As far as the new job is concerned, I haven’t been kicked in the rectum so hard and so fast for quite some time. It was an interesting experience for my almost-virgin asshole that had been firmly seated in my comfort zone for quite some time. A change is as good as a holiday they say, well I just got back from my holiday and I’m feeling the need for another one to get over the change I’m going through…lol.

M commemorated my first day of work by buying cupcakes for me and by snapping a pic of my outfit for day one as I stepped out the door:

Then he commemorated day two by snapping a pic of my outfit:

And then he commemorated day three by…..Are you seeing a theme? Lol…

Basically my new job is my old job but on a much, much larger scale with the added bonus of lots of English to Japanese translation and inter-company politics. In case you’re wondering what I do do when I’m not wearing boots or finding interesting things to substitute for lube, I export things. In my previous job the volume was in the range of 1500MT a year, in my new job it’s about 150,000MT.  I’m also working 2.5 times the hours and wearing double the make-up. That’s a fair jump for me and as a result my rectum is sore.

Really sore.

Oh and my foot is sore too. Right where my new cute little mules rubbed a patch of skin off my foot on my first day of work when my boss announced that she was going to take me on a lap of the area around the office during lunchtime so that I could get a ‘feel for things’. It was a great idea, but not when it was 37 degrees and I was wearing new mules.

These ones:

Fuck me gently with a brick they hurt.

Speaking of fucking me gently with a brick, the whole E>J translation thing in my new role has also pushed me way out of my comfort zone. You’re not really supposed to translate into anything other than your native language, so I’ve been working up a sweat – quite literally – attempting not to do too many faux pas with the language. I’ve mentioned before that Japanese is a minefield in terms of levels of language and I’ve been wracking my brains to keep everything at a suitable level of business politeness. I’d equate it to writing legalese in English in terms of difficulty. Hopefully with practice it will come easier to me.

But I made it through the week and today, determined to have a sleep in after waking up before 6am every day in order to get to work on time, I woke up at 7am…because I needed to poo. Obviously my body decided that after not feeling comfortable enough to poo sufficiently during the week that after reaching the weekend and being in the comfort of my territory that it was time.

Thank you body.

Today was my birthday so M took me to get some cupcakes and we had Vietnamese for dinner as per my request. The cupcakes were adorable:


Two cupcakes & a bonus carrot muffin


I ate the heart one and felt like I’d had my sugar intake for the next two weeks. The proportion of icing to cake was significantly larger and obviously the source of my sugar rush:

I haven’t eaten Mr Wormy yet, but I’m looking forward to nomming on him tomorrow.

For my birthday, I also got some perfume:

A teacup/pot set thing that nests and was a very difficult thing to pack in my suitcase:

And when I came home from work on Friday there was a bag sitting outside the front door that had been left by a lovely friend living nearby with more goodies in it. A magnet:

And a mug that I’m going to take to work because it’s a perfect size and has a lid which will be handy for keeping my tea warm while I’m so busy that I don’t have time to scratch my ass let alone sit and have a cup of tea:

M was very kind to me and gratefully went along with my plan of forgetting my birthday. I’d really rather not be reminded that I’m a year older by my SO, as having to buy some anti-aging cream recently was reminder enough. Fortunately the whole painful experience will be over with in two hours and thirty minutes. Begin the countdown!

In a nutshell

Here’s a run down of what’s been happening since I last posted:

  1. I bought a purty new laptop
  2. I spent waaaaaaaaaaay too much money on clothes, shoes, bags, assorted accessories and said laptop
  3. My trip home finished waaaaaaaaaay too quickly
  4. I returned to Perth on Jetstar and just scraped in under the 20kg luggage restriction with 19.6kg in my bag (I also had another 15kg or so in my ‘secret’ carry-on luggage…hehehehe)
  5. I had a medical and completed my first day at my new job

Not much really…lol.

So I’m writing this on my new Toshiba laptop that is white and very girlie. M christened it ‘Precious’ in a throw-back moment to Lord of the Rings. I’d thought about buying one for a while as my old laptop had a hard drive smaller than my ipod and was painfully slow due to its 512MB of ram (how quaint I hear you say!), but it wasn’t until I saw my white precious that I made the decision to burn another hole in my wallet. In a super strange move for me, Miss Anal 2009/2010/2011, I also bought it without really looking at the specs or knowing anything about it. The fact that it was white had me sold.

My trip home was good and sad. I’m never a big fan of those teary goodbyes at the airport. I normally end up bawling for most of the flight to Sydney and spend most of my trip back with a splitting headache. It was nice to return to my other home though and lovely to see M. After his threats of not coming to pick me up because I wasn’t wearing slutwear or boots, he did come to the airport and was waiting for me when I walked off the plane.

My first day of work in my new job today was loooooooooooong. It started with a medical at 8am which M drove me to and while I was being poked, prodded and directed to pee into a cup he went off to a nearby cake factory and bought me a couple of ultra girlie cupcakes to celebrate my first day of work. He then drove me to work and came to pick me up at 5pm when I finished.

(I should probably put something in here about some severe beatings or something just to maintain his ‘hard-ass dom’ image, but just remember, the man bought me CUPCAKES!!! Squeeeeee!!!!!)

It’s going to take me a while to get used to being an 8-5 girl as it’s been a while since I’ve worked full-time. I’m guessing by Friday, I’ll be totally fucked. I spent most of my first day at work today being stuffed full of info that I’m sure I will forget by tomorrow and I also ended up with a couple of lovely blisters from my new shoes. I’m not exactly hot-office-chick material and when I start trying to be something I’m not I get blisters, dried snot balls in various places and wardrobe malfunctions.

I wonder what unfortunate things tomorrow will bring.