Ten Japanese porn-ish words you never needed to know

1. paipan (no hair ‘down there’)

The first time I saw this word I immediately thought it was a new type of underwear that either (a) had boobs on it, (b) contained boobs or (c) was in the shape of boobs, due to the fact that ‘pai’ generally refers to something to do with boobage and ‘pan’ is a shortened form of pants i.e. underwear.

The word actually comes from the Chinese pronunciation of the name of a mahjong tile that is completely smooth, has no markings on it and is pure white. There is a category of porn devoted to paipan as having a smooth nether region is still a bit of a novelty in Japan. The brazillian hasn’t quite swept the nation as it seemingly has everywhere else. I think this is mostly due to the fact that it is still illegal to show naked private parts in porn in Japan (although a lot of porn seems to get around this ‘law’ and even with the pixelation you can always squint…:) )

I saw this t-shirt for sale on amazon jp and it did amuse me:

"When you see an American woman think paipan"

 

2. ebi purei (shrimp play)

Apparently there are folk amongst us who enjoy the feel of shrimp and other assorted shellfish thrashing around on their skin. Ideally one is supposed to be in bondage when said live or otherwise crustacean is placed on one’s naked body. The squishy, slimy feel of oysters and live shrimp with the shell removed (but head on) is apparently titillating.

It brings a whole new darker side to throwing another shrimp on the barbie.

3. mokubazeme (wooden horse torture)

You might remember I featured a picture of this most favoured of Japanese tortures in the post I did about hentai. It actually used to be a torture device used on criminals and the weight of the body bearing down on such a small surface area becomes excruciatingly painful after any length of time.

To be specific, this type of wooden horse is a sankaku mokuba (triangular) so it’s not your everyday garden mill wooden horse that you had when you were a kid. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have been wearing a ball gag while you were playing on your wooden horse either.

4. kinkeripurei (kicking balls)

I didn’t realise ball-kicking was a fetish, but apparently it is. And by ‘ball’ I do mean what you think I mean.

5. harigatazeme (torture by insertion of various toys)

Japan makes most of the really good vibrators and dildos that are sold around the world. The reason why is mostly due to the fact that there is a huge market for massagers and other things that will provide relief from katakori (stiff shoulders), which is an epidemic in Japan. I’ve heard a few theories as to why Japanese seem to suffer stiff shoulders more than other nationalities and funnily enough one of those reasons was due to their high consumption of rice….(although, I’m not sure how the other countries that have rice as their staple food  fare….)

Harigatazeme specifically refers to things that ‘expand’ so we’re talking butt plugs, dildos and other assorted things.

As far as vibrators are concerned, Japan is the home of the rabbit and the hitachi wand. Funnily enough, you can’t actually buy a ‘hitachi magic wand’ in Japan though. Hitachi doesn’t even sell hand-held massagers domestically and they are made specifically for the overseas market. And just because I’m a stickler for things, please pronounce it as hi-tachi not hai-tachi.

The ‘Fairy’ is the vibrator of choice in Japan at the moment and it looks suspiciously like a magic wand. It’s available in four sizes and with the ‘pocket-size’ being rechargeable with a cell-phone-like recharger, you can now masturbate anywhere.

6. kannoushousetsu (porn stories for women)

I guess they’re like a harlequin romance novel, but are a bit more explicit.

There is a quaint tradition in them for calling certain parts of the anatomy by flowery and poetic names such as:

• 陰茎 penis：肉樹  meat canopy (I couldn’t think of a good word other than canopy; think the top shape of a tree)
• 膣 vagina：蜜壷 honeypot
• 小陰唇 labia：花弁  flower petals

Oh Rhett, put your pulsating meat canopy through my flower petals and into my honeypot!

7. fudezeme (calligraphy brush torture)

I guess it’s the Japanese alternative to feathers. All you need to do it tie someone up and torture their ticklish bits with a calligraphy brush. Calligraphy brushes are generally made from horse, ferret, squirrel, goat or cat hair so you can get a variety of different sensations.

8. chirarizumu (sneaky perving)

I’m not exactly sure why, but in Japan there is a thing about seeing things that you’re not really supposed to see.

Chirarizumu covers a whole variety of perving activities like: paichira (boob perving), burachira (bra perving), chikuchira (nipple perving) ,buruchira (bloomer perving) ,burichira (briefs perving), ashichira (leg perving) and perochira (tongue perving). It’s really not so much perving, as being able to get a glimpse of the forbidden. You’ll also notice that there are different words depending on the type of underwear that the victim is wearing from bloomers, to briefs.

9. zettairyouiki (the absolute zone)

This is the area of thigh flesh between the top of thigh-high socks or boots and a mini-skirt. It’s a bit of a thing between otaku geeks and it’s one of their favourite areas to perv on.

10. bukkake (spilling your load on someone)

If you google bukkake in Japanese, you’ll come up with a load of images like this:

Bukkake means to ‘throw something on haphazardly’ so it’s generally used about noodles that are covered with toppings or rice that is covered with meat and veggies. You have to hunt around for the other meaning of bukkake:

That concludes our Japanese porn word collection. Please try to use some of these words at your next dinner party.