I’ve been all over the place this last week or so, flitting from one thing to another and it’s been really hard to sit down and grab those thoughts floating around in my brain and force them into some sort of a blog post. I can see why twitter is so appealing. I’d imagine it would be freeing to limit oneself to 140 characters.
Actually I was reading a story in the paper the other day about how the number of active blogs has dropped something like 30% on platforms like wordpress and livejournal. It doesn’t surprise me. Blogs are work. But I’d still rather blog than clean – and that was evidenced by my attempt at vacuuming the floor yesterday. I think I vacuumed two square feet and had to empty the damn thing because it was so full. Rinse and repeat for the whole floor. I need me a cleaning bitch.
A couple of weeks ago I started going to the gym again to do step classes. So at the moment I’m doing two classes a week on Tuesdays and Fridays. This involves me leaving work around 4:30pm to get there on time, but I figure I’ve already worked enough unpaid overtime, so I’m entitled to getting a bit of my life back. I did a class on Friday night, during which my Nazi instructor was particularly sadistic and as a result I’ve spent the last two days with one of the sorest asses I’ve ever had in my life. Apparently not doing a gym class for 18 mths and then choosing to do all the high-impact, advanced options is not the best things to do. In all fairness, what gave me the ridiculously sore ass was not the ‘step’ part of the class but the ‘tone’ part of the class that involved half a fucking million side leg raises, but still, a break of a year and a half was not the best thing to have.
Around the same time (two weeks ago) I also thought it would be a great idea to start a podcast and I even got as far as working out how to record one using garage band on my iMac, getting some theme music and writing a script. Then I recorded a bit and decided my voice sounded very similar to the couple of cats who are getting it on outside my bedroom window every other night. Ah spring, how I love thy cat-filled sleepless nights! So the jury is still out as to whether that podcast idea will ever eventuate.
I’ve also decided that I need to learn Korean. I spent most of last week, formatting a Korean version of our company brochure and I have to say it gave me a ridiculous headache because I had no idea what I was looking at. My trip to Japan in November is going to include a visit to a bookshop to get some ‘Let’s Learn Korean!’ -type of books. I figure if I study Korean in Japanese then I’ll get the double brain-stimulus effect.
Last night I also discovered yayoi anime on youtube – that’s hombre x hombre cartoon porn to the uninitiated. I was watching Ai no kusabi (I like the retro stuff) and Maiden Rose in case you were wondering. Ai no kusabi is Master/pet, futuristic, not very porny stuff, but still interesting. I need to read the book, methinks.
Ever since The Great Switcheroo of 2011 (yes, that’s what the switch to me in the dominant role shall hereforwith be known as) I’ve been interested in things that show men in submissive roles. Actually, I feel a bit weird watching girls getting their asses rammed these days and it’s a little unsettling to watching anything that doesn’t involve some form of CBT.
M’s collar arrived and he’s been wearing it dutifully every day. It’s a little too small for him to wear while he is sleeping, but other than those hours, he’s wearing it all the time. We went out shopping together with him in his collar for the first time yesterday and he didn’t have a problem with it. To tell you the truth, I find it a bit annoying (?) that he doesn’t have a problem with all the stuff I seriously struggled with – publicly wearing a collar, calling me Mistress etc.
Funnily enough, one of my favourite things to do with him is tie him up with rope, put a blindfold on him and ‘interrogate’ him or as I like to think of it, get some ‘feedback’ from him. I don’t like it when he tells me what he thinks I want to hear. I like to hear his true thoughts and feelings, so I often structure the questions so he has to answer in a particular way otherwise he will say something along the lines of ‘whatever Mistresses chooses to give me’ or ‘whatever Mistress thinks is appropriate’. I’m also working on him actually answering the questions I ask as opposed to answering with another question. I like to liberally use the riding crop on all of his sensitive bits during our ‘interrogation’ sessions so he knows what is an appropriate answer and what isn’t.
I like to ask him what he likes and what he doesn’t like, what he enjoys and what he doesn’t. Just because I ask these things doesn’t mean that I will always choose to do the things he likes and enjoys. In fact, I may choose to purposely do what he doesn’t enjoy and what he doesn’t like. Ultimately, that is for me to decide.
Of course, I can generally see whether he likes something or not, but I enjoy hearing him say it too. Although he is a tricky person in the sense that he is pretty damn stoic and non-reactive. I can see why a lot of people enjoy getting a reaction and I will often do something until I do get a reaction. At the moment I’m also enjoying the ‘Guess the colour of the nipple clamp game!’ in which the clamp stays on until he guesses the colour correctly or he ‘buys a hint’ (a price must be paid for the hint). As I said to him, we need to go and get a set of 30+ colours and it would be great if they were emo crayon colours.
We’ve had a few discussions about the collar. While I see it as a handy bondage anchor point and a possible source of humiliation and/or discomfort, I don’t really see it as an intrinsic part of his submission. I don’t think it’s as important as the ‘collar’ I’d like to place around his most intimate parts or anywhere near as important as the collar that I need to create in his mind.
I think he finds the physical neck collar much more important though. I’m trying to constantly remind myself what the collar fever was like and how during those first fledging months of submission, the collar is everything. I’m trying to remember the I-need-a-collar-or-i-will-die feeling that I had, but it’s hard.
It’s a careful balancing act between expectations and training.