…was it my bad for not telling him specifically not to put the collar(s) on and leaving him to his own devices?
(see the previous post if you’re confused)
See, I think this is possibly where the cause of quite a few of our disconnects lays… I have a tendency to think that he will submit in the same sort of way that I did.
In my mind, I have a few basic sets of behaviours that I think are pretty ‘standard’ for a slave. These basic sets contain things such as not putting on/ taking off collars by oneself, being nice to your owner a.k.a making coffee, giving back rubs/foots rubs/ plague cramp rubs, saying please and thank you etc., asking your owner’s wants before making assumptions and so on and so forth. Basic stuff that, to me at least, comes with the territory of being someone’s property.
As I mentioned before, I don’t want a doormat. I don’t want someone who needs to be told/asked every single thing. As far as household duties are concerned, I rather he see what needs to be done and do it. I don’t want to have to make a list of ‘tasks’ and then find out that he didn’t do something that needed to be done because ‘it wasn’t on the list’.
If truth be told, I’m not really into the asking permission for every single thing deal either. I have no interest in whether he needs to empty his bowels or not. I’d rather he quickly go and do whatever bodily functions he needs to and then return, ready in case I need him to do something.
I like the idea of my property acting autonomously with a focus on obeying and pleasing me. At this stage in my current life, with my shitty job, family dramas and whatnot, I don’t need the pressure of yet another thing to worry about. I would gain much more pleasure and satisfaction from him trying to be the best he possibly can be due to his own volition and not because he was doing only what I told him to do. I would like to think that he was constantly asking himself, “What can I do to make my Mistress happy?” and then doing what was necessary to make that a reality.
And the reality of what would make me happy is quite simple: I’d like the house & garden reasonably tidy, the toilets being able to be flushed, him looking after his health and eating/exercising appropriately, him doing some further career training or something to make him look superficially more employable (he doesn’t need worthless pieces of paper as he is infinitely qualified, but they show that you are actively doing something about your career), spending time together and having play sessions when I’m in the mood and/or when he has deserved them.
It sounds a bit like I want the best possible slave, with the least amount of input from me, doesn’t it? Lol. Typical slack-ass domly one….
And therein is where the problem lays. He’s not an A++++ over achiever. He doesn’t do things for self-satisfaction. He is very used to doing whatever he wants and only whatever he wants. For all his thinking, “I’m a slave” I don’t think he’s quite there yet, and honestly, I don’t think he even cares whether I think he is in that ‘slave space’ or not. If he thinks he is a slave, he is. That’s M’s bottom line.
I’d like to have his self-assurance and I-don’t-give-a-fuck-about-what-anyone-thinks style. It must be very freeing not to be self-conscious and to have his take-me-as-I-am-or-leave-me attitude. Unfortunately, that works very well for someone who doesn’t want to be property.
But if you want to be property – you’re essentially signing yourself up to being something that someone else wants. It’s not about you, your ego or your wants and needs.It’s about your owner and what they choose to give you. As a slave you have to accept whatever you are given and be focussed on your owner’s pleasure (of course, owners do have a certain responsibility to their property as well, but that’s a topic for another time…)
I’m not sure he thought about these things when he chose the collar. I think, naively like me, he simply thought that he would be kept as he kept me – that nothing would change except who was the one wearing the collar. He doesn’t care for ritual or ‘airy fairy’ stuff. He doesn’t give a toss who touches the collar as long as the appropriate person is wearing it.
But I do.
I don’t like him messing with his collar. I also don’t like him touching my toys. I’m into poses and ‘thinking time’, ‘high protocol’ periods and restraints for a reason (nothing annoys me more than an un-held leash or bondage just for the sake of it – you gonna tie someone up? Cool, well tie them up so they can’t move.)
I’m not exactly the same kind of owner that M was and he’s not the same kind of slave that I was. There are years of M/s ‘baggage’ that we have to navigate around and I’m not the best pilot..yet.
I think it’s time I look seriously at those driving lessons.