Hands up if you’ve seen the movie, “Up in the Air”.
If you don’t have your hand up now, you should immediately go here because (a) you won’t get what I’m talking about and (b) it’s a fantastic movie so if you haven’t seen it by now you are even more spethial than I am and therefore do not belong here (btw, I really do recommend going there after you’re done with me because there is much mirth to be had.)
So, back to business…you know why I like that movie so much?
Because it’s me.
Of course, I’m not George Clooney, I don’t have a fuck buddy, nor do I fire people for a living, but he’s got a huge issue with baggage and so do I.
I was thinking the other day why at the ripe old age of 35, I don’t have any big tangible assets just like our dear protagonist. He lives in a furnished rental apartment, uses rental cars, owns nothing that won’t fit in a suitcase and is not tied down to anything. He could go anywhere at anytime because he has nothing to tie him down. I don’t have a house, a car, furniture and I was even very hesitant to buy a desktop computer because THAT SHIT DOESN’T FIT IN A BACKPACK!!
It all made perfect sense to me – finally.
Actually at the time I was thinking about why some part of me absolutely refuses to buy a new mattress for the bed even though my current mattress is totally fucked and I wake up with a sore back every morning. It’s not because I don’t want to spend the money, the bottom line is that I don’t want to have to deal with the baggage. I don’t want something that I can’t easily dispose of or take with me in a suitcase.
Major fear of commitment, I haz it.
It also explains my love of throwing things away and my constant moaning to M about how he has ‘too much stuff’ and the pantry and freezer are ‘too full’. While I like to have a few more creature comforts around me than Mr Clooney does in the movie, the idea of being weighed down with things, utterly and totally freaks me out. I prefer to buy only what I need at the time or what I know I will need in the immediate future. I don’t hoard things and I don’t keep things for a rainy day.
I also have a love for keeping boxes that things came in. You may think that is a bit ‘hoardie’ of me, but actually it’s so I can pack up and move things very easily. There’s nothing like the original box to pack stuff up in again.
While comparing myself to Mr Clooney, I could also bring up my lack of interest in procreation and my very tenuous friendships and family relationships i.e. while I do love my family and the couple of friends I have, I’ve unconsciously gotten as far away as possible from them at all times and I barely manage a facebook poke -but only if the stars align and the wind is just right.
I was in my room the other day and the only thought going through my mind was, ‘I’ve got way too much stuff.’ Actually this is the longest I’ve ever lived in one place in my life (outside of my family home growing up) and it shows. I’ve got two shelves of books and two cupboards full of clothes – not to mention the boots. But I guess really, the boots aren’t all mine. It makes me feel very uncomfortable knowing that there is a lot of stuff around me.
I’m not saying I’m about to take off, but the thought that I can’t easily take off if I wanted to disturbs me on some level.
It appears that my fight or flight instinct is heavily weighted on the latter.