I stopped reading blogs for a period of several months and on the weekend I went back to visit the blogs I used to read religiously. Most of them were bdsm related and some were food porn, but the interesting thing was that when I visited my list of old bookmarks, the food porn bloggers were still all blogging, but a lot of the bdsm bloggers had disappeared into the ether.
Do I sense a theme there?
(That’s probably a topic for another time…)
Personally, my thoughts about bdsm have changed dramatically over the last 12 months or so. I’ve gone from being the look-at-me-I’m-a slave! person to the what-do-you-see-in-that-stuff-people? person. I’m now able to look at things a lot more objectively than I ever was before and I can see now why the ‘nilla folk think the bdsmers are a weird mob.
Perhaps I took things a little too seriously before. There seemed to be a lot of worrying about things like marks and collars and what I was feeling on the inside, but now I’m in a place where I can just treat it like entertainment and take it or leave it.
I don’t think this is particularly related to the switch in our roles. I don’t think being the one figuratively holding the whip in our relationship has changed my feelings about things, but there is a part of me that thinks the evolution in my thinking is linked very much to the switch in our financial positions.
I’ve never had a ‘real’ job before. By ‘real’ I mean a full-time, business-card holding, suit-wearing (on occasion), mortgage and bill-paying job. Everything I’ve ever done before has either been casual, part-time or sporadic self-employment. I’ve never had to worry about paying bills solely by myself before and I’ve never earned enough before that I could be responsible for paying all the bills anyway.
With money comes independence. With money comes growth. With money comes responsibility.
And it’s mostly this responsibility that makes me feel like I’ve somehow got ‘more important’ things to do than worry about ‘silly’ things like cuffs and collars.
A lack of money creates dependence. It makes you feel like you are somehow ‘less’ of an adult and the reality is that you want to make the person who is supporting you happy (just in case they decide they no longer want to keep supporting you…)
I’m not sure what would happen if the boy suddenly gained his financial independence back. I don’t know whether the collar would be off in a flash and all that “yes, Mistress, no, Mistress” stuff would be straight out the window, but I have a feeling that it would make our relationship a little more complicated.
Would I stop working if he started working again?
It’s certainly very tempting – I’ve never been so tired or so stressed in my life than I have been over the last 18 months. But I’ve also fought hard to get where I am and I’d be throwing that all away. Would I be happy being a stay-at-home…ummm…person? To be honest, I don’t think I could ever go back to being a slave, so I’m not quite sure what I’d be.
Maybe a home manager.
That would look good on a business card me thinks.