Sorry, the blog you were looking for does not exist.

I stopped reading blogs for a period of several months and on the weekend I went back to visit the blogs I used to read religiously. Most of them were bdsm related and some were food porn, but the interesting thing was that when I visited my list of old bookmarks, the food porn bloggers were still all blogging, but a lot of the bdsm bloggers had disappeared into the ether.

Do I sense a theme there?

(That’s probably a topic for another time…)

Personally, my thoughts about bdsm have changed dramatically over the last 12 months or so. I’ve gone from being the look-at-me-I’m-a slave! person to the what-do-you-see-in-that-stuff-people? person. I’m now able to look at things a lot more objectively than I ever was before and I can see now why the ‘nilla folk think the bdsmers are a weird mob.

Perhaps I took things a little too seriously before. There seemed to be a lot of worrying about things like marks and collars and what I was feeling on the inside, but now I’m in a place where I can just treat it like entertainment and take it or leave it.

I don’t think this is particularly related to the switch in our roles. I don’t think being the one figuratively holding the whip in our relationship has changed my feelings about things, but there is a part of me that thinks the evolution in my thinking is linked very much to the switch in our financial positions.

I’ve never had a ‘real’ job before. By ‘real’ I mean a full-time, ¬†business-card holding, suit-wearing (on occasion), mortgage and bill-paying job. Everything I’ve ever done before has either been casual, part-time or sporadic self-employment. I’ve never had to worry about paying bills solely by myself before and I’ve never earned enough before that I could be responsible for paying all the bills anyway.

With money comes independence. With money comes growth. With money comes responsibility.

And it’s mostly this responsibility that makes me feel like I’ve somehow got ‘more important’ things to do than worry about ‘silly’ things like cuffs and collars.

A lack of money creates dependence. It makes you feel like you are somehow ‘less’ of an adult and the reality is that you want to make the person who is supporting you happy (just in case they decide they no longer want to keep supporting you…)

I’m not sure what would happen if the boy suddenly gained his financial independence back. I don’t know whether the collar would be off in a flash and all that “yes, Mistress, no, Mistress” stuff would be straight out the window, but I have a feeling that it would make our relationship a little more complicated.

Would I stop working if he started working again?

Perhaps.

It’s certainly very tempting – I’ve never been so tired or so stressed in my life than I have been over the last 18 months. But I’ve also fought hard to get where I am and I’d be throwing that all away. Would I be happy being a stay-at-home…ummm…person? To be honest, I don’t think I could ever go back to being a slave, so I’m not quite sure what I’d be.

Maybe a home manager.

That would look good on a business card me thinks.

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2 thoughts on “Sorry, the blog you were looking for does not exist.

Add yours

  1. BDSM and other sex-related bloggers disappear a LOT. Some only make it a few months before the shine wears off and they just stop, leaving the aborted blog untended, others disappear suddenly one day with no reasons given, the entire body of their work gone from the web.

    One disappearing is the reason I started participating.

    I have been the sole earner in our relationship – it didn’t have the effect on me that it seems to have had on you. I still craved being dominated – perhaps even more so, as stress relief.

    Home manager is a rewarding job – but sometimes when people ask what you do and that is your response you get an “ah,” because often enough they don’t know where to go from there.

    I’m glad you continue blogging, as sporadic as it may be.

    1. I always have a burning sense of curiousity when blogs disappear entirely or when all of the past entries become unavailable. Suddenly I want to know every single gory detail about what happened and nothing annoys me more when I can’t find out! Lol.

      I have to admit that I’ve thought about deleting my old stuff and starting afresh, but something stops me – is it the thought of deleting over 1000 posts full of blood, sweat and tears that stops me or do I feel like deleting the past is deleting part of me?
      It’s probably more the latter… as tempting as starting afresh may seem on occasion.

      I guess the ‘ah’ you get from people about home manager is similar to the ‘ah’ I get from people when they find out I don’t have kids and don’t want any.

      People are funny sometimes.

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