Olympic this

We sat up until about 1am this morning watching the Olympics. I think the reason we stayed up so late was that the psychedelic purple and pink backgrounds in the venues were sending our brains into some sort of seizures – whoever thought that was an easy-on-the-eye colour combination was obviously gay (because we all know that any colour that does not have ‘neon’ at the beginning of it is easy-on-the-eye according to the gay colour palette. And remember that because I have a gay family member, I’m officially sanctioned to make gay jokes so please don’t send me hate mail.)

The only sports that I will watch willingly during the Olympics are pretty specific – diving, gymnastics, sporadic parts of the marathon (I have a short attention span) and anything that involves horses. I’m not sure where my fascination with horses came from. I’ve been a bit horse-mad since I was wee young ‘un – covering my walls with horse posters, taking weekly riding lessons, squealing with delight at getting new riding boots and a crop for Christmas (maybe that’s where my kink stuff came from…lol). My horse riding came to a fairly abrupt halt after I fell off quite dramatically once, but my love for horses as beautiful animals has stuck with me for one reason or another and one of these days I might get back into it (and for the record, I’m totally ignoring M’s attempt at an explanatory comment about my love of horses a.k.a ‘because every girl wants to be a princess on a pony’).

I find some of the Olympic sports to be quite bizarre. I mean, synchronized diving??!!? Come on…does that shit need to be synchronized?? And why is 10m air rifle seen as a suitable sport, while any form of dancing isn’t? I’d love to see countries face off against each other doing the robot. I’m sure that would do more for world peace than any ICBM ever would.

We were watching the archery last night (more so because I was in aching after my run and couldn’t sleep than because it was on my list of ‘approved’ sports to watch). South Korea was playing the USA and the commentators informed us that South Korea usually owns the archery because they have corporate archery teams in South Korea and they do nothing but get paid to shoot arrows all day, every day. I thought Starcraft was their unofficial country ‘sport’ but apparently it’s archery.

Lord over all we know, hail be to thee Google tells me that the number of sports in the summer Olympics has now been capped at 28. So the only way we’ll get something new is to kick something out. I say we lose synchronized diving and/or BMX (how many bike-related sports do we need to see?) and add something more exciting and popular like…internet snarkery. Drive-by comments and memes will award basic difficulty points while insulting someone with grammatically correct language will gain the highest points.

Start training now everyone – it’s only a matter of time.


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