Do you speak my language?

If you haven’t done the discover your love language test yet, I highly recommend that you do it now. If you have a significant other, I also suggest that they do it too. It’s a really fast way to confirm what you already suspected….

…that men and women are so different it’s a wonder we ever procreate.

I found this little gem of a test while listening to a podcast. I churn my way through a fair few podcasts during the three hours I spend getting to and from work every day and one morning while listening to Therapy Thursday on The Morning Stream, I was introduced to the languages of love.

You can read all about the languages yourself over at the webpage (and just ignore the heavy Christian ethos of the site if that’s not your thing) but it basically boils down to the idea that there are five distinct ways that people feel loved:

  1. Through words of affirmation
  2. Through acts of service
  3. Through physical touch
  4. Through receiving gifts
  5. Through spending quality time with other people

If you’ve ever read even one of my previous blog posts, you can probably guess that my top language of love is words of affirmation. This was followed closely by acts of service.

So basically I feel loved the most when I’m told I’m fabulous and have my toilet scrubbed.


Way down the bottom of my love languages were receiving gifts, spending quality time and physical touch – also a no-brainer, as I hate kissing and tend to verge on a hermit-like existence.

M also did the test and his number one by a mile was physical touch while acts of service and words of affirmation were near the bottom. So in terms of ‘being compatible’ we’re chalk and cheese.

None of this really came as a surprise to me. M and I are very different people, but over the years I think we’ve come to a happy place where we understand and accept each other’s differences i.e. he knows I need to be told I’m fabulous on a regular basis and he also makes a conscious effort to clean my toilet. I also realise that he needs the physical touch thing so I make a conscious effort to spend quality time with him and give him the boot & leash time that makes him feel loved.

The age-old cliche of men not having enough sex is linked to their feelings of being loved by experiencing physical touch. Women tend to feel love through things such as acts of service or receiving gifts and often bemoan the fact that their partner doesn’t ‘love them’ because they won’t vacuum the floor or give them flowers.

It’s fairly basic stuff that I thought I knew but it wasn’t until I was hit over the head with the answers to the test that it really dawned on me – we speak different languages and we have to learn to ‘speak’ each other’s language in order to make a relationship work.

Happy languaging everyone.



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