…that uberly hot guy in Arrow, Stephen Amell (my first and only choice for the Eye Candy of the Year Award 2013) and my truly gelatinous phlegm that almost made me want to vomit on the bus on Wednesday morning.
Work is crazy, I’ve not been well and now I’m facing three weeks without a new episode of Arrow – does life get any suckier that this? But that’s not what I’m here to talk about.
You may have noticed that I’ve been doing a little story-writing of late. There are a few things driving my urge to write (a) I was sick at home for a few days and for whatever reason I get uberly horny when I’m home alone, (b) I couldn’t find any porn that would push my buttons and (c) I’m on the fence about the whole dominant/submissive thing.
The first two reasons for writing are probably neither here nor there, but that last one is a pretty damn big thing. I’ve come to the realisation that being dominant or submissive is like being gay – it might take you a while to put a label on yourself, but if you are, you always were and always will be.
For most of my life I was of the submissive bent. I did the slave thing for a long time and found it very hard to live up to my own expectations. (In hindsight, I really don’t think it was anyone but myself whispering in my ear that I sucked as a slave.) Granted, there was also the complication of a pretty radical change in our financial situation that forced me into the role of breadwinner, decision-maker and general head of the household, but there was a time when I had a very strong voice in my head telling me that I couldn’t do the slave thing anymore.
Then I tried the dominant thing for a while. While it’s fun to get a bit of revenge on someone who has caused you a lot of pain over the years, it’s not really me. I can’t put my heart into it and frankly speaking, I don’t enjoy the feeling of another ‘burden’ on my plate.
I thought that perhaps it would be great to get away from all the submissive/ dominant stuff and just be normal and go about my life, but I can’t do it. Deep inside I am submissive. I enjoy what I enjoy and there’s nothing good or bad about it, that’s just what I am.
This above all: to thine ownself be true.