While some people like to call me ‘spethial’, I also like to think that I’m special. And by special I mean unusual or extraordinary, not better or superior.
Being submissive (or a slave – the jury is still out on that one) makes me feel particularly special. I often find myself going back to work after a weekend filled with deviant deeds and feeling like I’m the only one who knows my secret and smiling on the inside at my ‘specialness’ as I walk around the ordinary people in myordinary workplace.
Some part of me likes knowing that no-one else around me knows what I am or what I do. I also like to have to make clothing choices to cover marks and I like being reminded of a bruise every time I sit down.
I think it was this feeling of being special that I missed more than anything else on the other side of the fence.
One could argue, I guess, that going to work after spending a weekend of doing deviant deeds would be equally as fulfilling in the special stakes (and it should actually be more so since being a dominant female is also on the rare side) but I never had the same feeling.
I don’t know if it’s because I think that submitting is harder or whether it’s because it has more of a social stigma and therefore seems more ‘risqué’, but there is something special about submission. (And just for the record, most non-kink people I have spoken to about kink find the idea of ‘submitting’ to a man to be abhorrent and tend to want to shake some ‘sense’ into me…)
People submit for a variety of reasons – love, the joy of service, because it pushes their degradation buttons etc. and in the scheme of things my reason of ‘because it makes me feel special’ seems very self-centred and not at all in keeping with the spirit of submission.
But I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of people feel the same way. We all want to feel different and special and how we experience the quality of ‘specialness’ differs from person to person. So, if you feel special because you took your dog for a walk or because you were the one being walked, well, good for you.