When near enough isn’t good enough

So I went back to the house last night to get the last few remaining things I’d left behind and we had dinner and then it came time to say our final goodbyes.

It was hard and emotional and all those things you’d expect it to be.

I kissed him and started crying. He asked why I was crying and I told him it was because I was sad.

He told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. Then I watched him drive away.

And that’s the end of that particular chapter in my life story.

I still feel like a bad, selfish, uncaring person. But as he told me, it was a decision I made by myself, for me, with myself in mind. I therefore have to accept all the guilt and stuff that comes with it.

He rang me this morning just as he was going to leave Perth forever. It’s a four-day drive to Melbourne with his car-load of worldly possessions – all he has left since I made him fold up his life.

He wished me a happy life and I wished him a safe trip.

Then I hung up and dissolved into tears again while sitting at my desk. I think everyone in my office has seen me cry now, so I’ve got nothing left to be embarrassed about…lol.

So I’m officially alone now. Although, I’ve got some good friends who have reminded me that I’m not actually alone and are there, if and when I need them.

I have to keep firmly in mind while I’m doing this. I have to remember how I steeled my heart because I wanted more.

Less can be more. But near enough isn’t good enough when it comes to happiness.

じんせい

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8 thoughts on “When near enough isn’t good enough”

  1. I’m sure it’s no consolation, but I think you are brave. You probably don’t feel it right now, but you are. Hope things start to feel a bit easier for you soon xxx

  2. I came back today to your blog which I hadn’t visited in a long time. Just wanted to send you my best wishes for your future. I was in your position six years ago, quitting a five years relationship, and extremely sad. I knew, like you do, it was for the best, even though at the time the “best” seemed far, far away. Fast forward six years, and I was right. Happily married today with the woman of my life. Never give up ! You are following your heart, and the future will show you you were right 🙂

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