Busy

I’ve been a free woman for about a month now and in a word I’ve been…busy.

Busy living life. Busy doing things I haven’t done for years. Busy enjoying a lifestyle that I thought I would never have a chance to experience.

There have been things that I’ve wanted to talk about here, but I’ve been very conscious of M reading my blog. He has now unfriended me from every place possible and says he won’t be reading my blog again. I’m not sure whether I’d be able to do that. I always enjoy me a good game of ‘stalk the ex’. It’s kind of like pouring salt into a wound but there is a strange sense of satisfaction in seeing they haven’t moved on or that they want you back.

M and I have talked quite a bit. He has basically given me 6 months to spread my wings and see the world and then at the end of it, decide whether I want to go back to him or we part ways forever.

Remember how I said I would make a fantastic Amish? Well, I kind of feel like I’m on my Runspringa. I’ve been hung over more times in the last month than I have in the last ten years and some interesting experiences have been had.

It’s all research of course…just so I know at the end of six months what I want.

These days I’m trying to be everything I wasn’t – sociable, spontaneous, reckless and fun. Being fun is a big change. The other big change is me actively seeking out what I want. Or at least, trying to figure out what it is that I want.

A few people have asked me what I’m passionate about. I don’t really have a good answer for that. I’m not sure what I want to do more than anything else.

I enjoy language. I enjoy going to the gym. But there is nothing that I can’t live without.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a half-soaked sponge. My likes and interests fill the bottom half, but the top half is just waiting for other people to come and fill it. I end up taking on other people’s interests and likes. I get caught up in their passions and that fills my holes (and you can take your mind out of the gutter).

Some people would say that makes me submissive, but does it? Or does it just make me a boring person.

It still seems like I need to get out of my comfort zone. Maybe I’ll discover a hidden passion lurking away in there.

rumspringer

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5 thoughts on “Busy

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  1. Go back in time with me.
    If M had insisted without any hint of compromise that you continue to wear a steel collar. This is even though you had taken a new job and your reluctance had been made known. Would that have been a ‘deal breaker’ for you. Would you still be his.

    1. If he had really insisted I would have had no choice but to wear it. I did wear it several times to work under suitably covering clothing, and I’m sure I would have done something similar had it have been an everyday requirement.
      Is it a bad thing that I want to be forced, pushed and coerced into my submission? Is it wrong for wanting
      to have no choice, to have the power and control taken from me rather than me giving it up meekly on a plate?
      The ‘deal breaker’ was him not going through with anything he said.

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