There is a cultural idea floating around that one other person is supposed to complete your life.
You’re the key to my lock.
You were everything that was missing.
You’re my other half.
As though one other person is all you need for everything in your life.
I’d like to call bullshit on that because it’s never enough.
We’re all born with different skills, different talents, we’re all completely unique individuals and as a result of that, evolution made us social creatures. We need to interact with other people to get the things we can’t, do the things we don’t and be what we aren’t.
If just one person was all we needed to be complete, why the hell wouldn’t you hermetically seal yourself off in a bubble and live out the rest of your days with your SO, in perfect, completeness?
Because one person is never enough.
When M and I got back together, we had several talks about him being okay with me playing with other people to get the experiences he couldn’t provide. Mostly that involved shibari, but if you’ve ever seen us play in public, you’d know he’s quite happy to hand my ass around the room for all and sundry to have a go at.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to see him play with other people. Would I be jealous? Probably. It’s not something I’ve had to deal with so I’m sure it would take a few angsty blogs for me to sort out my feelings, but I wouldn’t be against it. I afford him the same freedom he has given me.
I know a few people who are in open relationships. One friend is a lesbian who is in a long-term relationship with a transgender girl who was born male, but she has also had girlfriends over the years. While my friend loves her partner dearly, there are just things that she can’t provide so my friend needs others to fulfil that need.
Of course, you can still cheat on someone even if your relationship is open. Everyone involved needs to know what is happening and when they don’t, that’s when you can expect to lose someone.
Culturally we’re ingrained to only ‘love’ one person and only have one person in our life. If that doesn’t system doesn’t work then one or both parties had something wrong with them, someone gets blamed and the relationship is considered a failure.
I think there are many different types of love and many ways to have a relationship. After all, we can’t all wear the same jacket and expect it to fit.
My mother is gay and if she hadn’t put on the very comfortable jacket of marrying my father, I wouldn’t be here so I thank her for putting up with that straightjacket, but I watched her struggle with that awful piece of clothing and she was so angry, so very angry, for all of my childhood.
If one jacket doesn’t fit, try another one. Find one that suits. There are more than enough to go around and I’d like to think we’ve evolved a bit more in our thinking.