Star Wars

***Spoiler alert***

I bit the bullet and went to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens on the 27th December. I could have gone and seen it on opening night at 12:06am with the rabid Perth fans who cosplayed so hard that it hurt:

jarjar
but it was a school night and I didn’t fancy having three hours of sleep (and I couldn’t choose my seat beforehand which sucks balls) so I bided my time and tried so hard not to see or read or listen to anything even remotely related to the new film until I could finally watch it.

My initial thoughts were, “Crap the music is loud!” quickly followed by “I’m glad they have all their commas in the right place in the scrolling text!” and then I settled down and got ready to go on what I was expecting to be a satisfying ride (because everyone around me had said they enjoyed it!)

I was very happy that the female lead character, Rey wasn’t annoying. I hated Natalie Portman in the previous episodes and knew I couldn’t cope with another disappointing female lead. I liked that Rey was dressed in non-girlie clothing that wasn’t trying to sexualise her, how she was weight-appropriate for her height and how could get what needed doing done.

What I didn’t like was the fact that the movie felt the need to hit us over the head with that fact, like they were trying so hard to present non-stereotypical female characters and wanted us to appreciate it. Let’s take her hand and run every chance we get and ask her if she’s ok so she can point out the fact that she is ok and doesn’t need her hand held every other minute. How about you just act like a young woman being able to take care of themselves is a normal thing and move on? /rant

Also don’t even get me started on the fact that Rey wasn’t included in the action figure sets sold by Target.  Who the fuck thought that was a good idea? So a generic stormtrooper and darth vader (who isn’t even in the movie except for his melted face) are more important than the lead character? #WheresRey you fuckers.

action figure

But back to the review…

I started feeling the nostalgia as soon as we were on a desert planet and she was driving a land speeder. That’s a cute homage to the original I thought and I have to admit to feeling a bit teary when I first saw the Millenium Falcon. Then things started getting weird…hang on…there’s a droid with secret information that needs to be delivered to the resistance? The Millenium Falcon is going to deliver the droid? They’re building a death-star thing to blow up planets? The baddie wears a mask and is torn between the good and bad side of the force? The same squid-looking alien guy is standing around the table as they discuss their attack plan? The same band is still playing the cantina circuit? (they definitely need a new agent.)

As M said, the gold guy was still whiney, the blue droid had the plans and the big fat guy had a hot slave.

For the record, M has never been good with names.

I started feeling like I’d already seen this movie before and I kept waiting for a twist that would take me into unchartered territory and freshen things up, but it never came. I was disappointed by that fact. I’d waited years for a new story and I was excited that they were going to build on episodes 4,5,and 6 – what was happening with Han, Lei and Luke? What happened to the universe once the Empire was gone? But here I was watching a rehash of the same old story just with cosmetic differences.

The similarities kept pulling me out of the movie. I kept comparing and feeling like I had been ripped off.

I think what they should have said about it was that it was a ‘reboot’ of the original chapters. If you think about it that way, it’s a perfectly good movie. I think it would also be great for anyone who isn’t overly familiar with any of the Star Wars movies, but kind of knows who the main characters are. For anyone who saw the original movies many, many times and loved them such as yours truly, this movie is not going to give you what you wanted.

It feels like a piece of baked cheesecake, that looks great and is definitely cheesecake, but when you actually eat it, it just doesn’t cut it.

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