A crop-meets-ass situation

Apparently when his football team loses to my football team (i.e. they are made into our bitches) the only thing that makes him feel better is applying a crop to my ass.

This has been a general public announcement.

P.S. While I may possibly be dying running up a hill somewhere west of the Perth CBD amuse yourselves with Japan Part 10 (includes several pics just for chloe…)

The 1400

I’ve been struggling with my weight (again) since we came back from Japan in April. I indulged in just about everything calorie-ladden beauty I could lay my hands on while we were there, systematically going through my ‘things I want to eat in Japan’ list and unfortunately, the indulging seemed to continue even when we got back. Two weeks ago I hit a very low ‘high point’ of having gained back half of the weight I spent most of last year losing in the space of 4 months. Don’t you hate just that?

And I really hate admitting shit like this, even though it’s great as a reader to read about people failing. I like nothing more than reading something where I can go, ‘Ha ha! Sucked in biatch!’ but I do have to say that it’s not so much fun on the other end! Lol.

The really sad thing is that I’m mostly worried about the weight gain in terms of what my family think. When I saw my family last I was pretty much at my weight loss peak and feeling reasonably happy with all their comments and this year when I go home at Christmas, I’d like to not be back at beached-whale weight. I’ve spent the last 15 years seeing my family sporadically – maybe once a year or once every two years – and so I’ve always been uberly conscious of my big ‘arrival’. It’s always been a ‘put make up on in the plane’ situation for me although I know they love me no matter how I look, I feel a definite pressure inside me with every impending trip home.

Anyway, so nine or so weeks ago I decided to enter the 12km run in the city to surf taking place this Sunday. Being an absolutely pathetic runner, as in, can’t-run-100m sort of pathetic I started doing the couch to 5k  programme. Until about the 3rd week it totally sucked and then it started getting….I wouldn’t say easier, but more manageable, and so I started speeding things up and finished the c25k on 7th August. Yes, people I graduated by finishing a non-stop 30min run.

Then I really started panicking about the city to surf, so I started the gateway to 10k programme and at the moment, I’m half-way through it at Week 5. After the city to surf, I’m hoping to complete the programme and then I’ll have to see what I want to do to keep myself motivated – highway to 10km?? Do these things never end??? Lol.

So I went to pick up my race bib and timing chip that I have to thread through my shoelaces yesterday :

I swiped my chip on the checking machine and all my info came up, which I thought was very swish.

Seeing all the uber running type people there collecting their bibs was scary, but then I turned the bib over and looked at the medical info I had to fill out:

I realise that they’ve got to cover their asses if someone has a medical emergency, but I was reminded again that it’s pretty serious stuff. Pray for me people.Being the slightly anal person I am, my brain is full of niggly little things like, ‘What should I eat for breakfast so I don’t have to go to the toilet an hour later?’ and “Should I wear a long-sleeved top or a short-sleeved top?” I’m really over-thinking this, aren’t I?

So even though I’ve been running for two months, I wasn’t really watching what I was eating and I got into an ‘exercise=reward’ head-space where I felt justified in eating everything I came across.

Yeah, big, huge mistake.

So two weeks ago I started a 12 week blitz (a.k.a stop bingeing and eating crap fuckwit!) and instead of dropping my calories right back, I decided to try eating more, and you know what? 1400 seems to be my magical number – as in 1400 net calories (food minus exercise).

Admittedly, I’m doing some pretty heavy exercise at the moment, as in running and walking about 60kms a week, but still, it’s been really interesting to see what eating more (but more of the right food) will do. It’s still early days yet, but the numbers are finally moving in the right direction.

But you know why I choose a 12 week blitz? That’s the number of weeks until Christmas – give or take a few. I’ll be making the six-hour plane journey to my hometown and will arrive on Christmas eve. The question is, will I be the old me or the new me?

P.S M politely informed me that I really needed to finish Part 9 of Japan so we weren’t stranded in Osaka for ever and ever. Actually I think his words were, ‘Get your finger out of your arse and do the next part of Japan bitch!’ Of course, his wish is my command.

101 ways my boss drives me crazy

I just wanted to report that I’m alive, but that my boss may soon not be. I just knew I shouldn’t have taken home the mallet I used to put together the new shelving unit yesterday….

His anal frugality and childish-ness is slowly making me want to kill him. M suggested I start a, ‘101 ways my boss drives me crazy’ blog. I thought that was a pretty good idea at first, but now I’m thinking that 101 won’t nearly be enough.

Case 1 – Just use a fucking envelope!

While I’m always  happy to recycle, taping up a half-torn envelope, drawing a line through the address and then drawing a big arrow with a marker pen pointing to the address on the back is not a good way to send business letters. That’s why we have a drawer full of shiny envelopes and pretty labels that cost 5c each. Considering we send like 10 letters a year, I’d suggest using them.

Case 2 – Just buy some fucking shelves!

Cardboard and masking tape are never good mediums for building shelves for heavy objects. Buying $30 shelves from IKEA or Kmart is so much easier.

Case 3 – Just use fucking Outlook!

He’s got this thing against Microsoft, and I can totally understand that, but when Windows 7 doesn’t like your geeky, text-based Japanese email programme, just get over it and use Outlook (which, by the way, you ended up paying extra for when you purchased Office…) There is no point huffing and puffing like a six-year old when no-one can read your emails.

Case 4 – Don’t do fucking origami with the plastic bags!

Just put them in the drawer….please!

Case 5 – Shut the fuck up!

Good news in an email doesn’t require you to suddenly bang your arms on the desk,  shout, ‘Yosshaaaaa!’ and give me a fucking heart-attack. Are you 31 or 13?

To be continued as he continues to annoy the crap out of me…

P.S Did I mention I’m pmsing something fierce?

Because I suck at segues…

…I bring you points.

  • I did my tax today – w00t. I think it’s the earliest I’ve ever done it and I’m getting a refund. The only thing tarnishing the shine of it all is the fact that the only reason I’m receiving a refund is because I earned sweet fuck-all.
  • Segue is my new favourite word.
  • True Blood Season 3 started tonight. You know everything is right with the world when you hear the line, ‘I’m not in the mood for lesbian weirdness tonight’. You also know everything is right with the world when you see a nekkid Eric pounding the crap out of chick with her arms tied to posts and a collar around her neck… Is it hot in here or is my pussy on FIRE?
  • Last week at work we moved all the furniture around and now my desk is in a position whereby my boss can always see my computer screen. I’m yet to decide how much this sucks and if it sucks really badly, I might suddenly have a feng shui attack and decide that a big pile of stuff needs to be positioned on my desk so I can still look at fetlife have a better energy flow.
  • I ran for an hour straight today – I think I broke myself doing it though. It’s a week to the 12km run of pain and I have a feeling I’m going to be so broken after it that not even chocolate will bring me back. Why-oh-why did I ever get it into my head to do this stupid thing? I also dragged M around every electrical store in a 15km radius for 3 hrs on Saturday looking for an armband for my ipod. Which, because it’s not a touch, is like looking for the holy fucking grail. I’ve decided I need music to get through the run of pain because running is fucking boring. What do people do to amuse themselves? There is only so much time I can spend in my head before I need a stiff drink and a valium.
  • They’ve decided not to renew M’s contract at work, so in approximately 2 weeks (if nothing comes up in the meantime) we’ll be a 0.5 income household  and I’ll be asking for more hours at my sucky job.
  • My job will be slightly less sucky from tomorrow though, because along with the rearrangement of the furniture, I also scored a new computer, a purple calculator (squee!) and a rocking foot stand with massaging nodules. Unfortunately, the OS is Windoze 7. Hopefully it will be less dozey than my Windoze XP that took approximately 5 minutes for every click, but it will remain to be seen. At least with the new arrangement I’m closer to the window so throwing the heap of shit out of it if it’s only half as annoying as my previous computer will be much easier.
  • I watched my first episode of Glee… do I need to say more?

I pugged so much I got a pug!

Awwww…isn’t he cute?

Kaya got a dog, and so did I 🙂 *beams*

I excitedly told M this morning that I only needed to group with nine more people in order to get my special perky pug companion on WoW. I’m pretty sure I saw his eyes glaze over while he was driving…but anyway, even his lack of enthusiasm isn’t enough to dampen my mood about finally getting this little guy.

After I got home from work I finally got another nine people together and there he was waiting for me in my mailbox.

I also bought a lovely red ribbon leash and some pet treats that make him happy. Maybe I’ll get a grooming kit and a ball to play fetch with him next.

He also has a very endearing habit of rubbing his bum along the ground and then sniffing his trail, which, at this point, I still find totally adorable.

<insert obvious jokes about a crazy woman with cats>

Japan Part 7 is also up  – just in case you thought I was totally a lost cause…

P.S And you know what I love about the pug the most? The fact that it is a pug…In WoW-land ‘pug’ stands for ‘pick up group’ and refers to when you randomly get a group of people together to do a dungeon, or raid. Isn’t it great that you get a pug for pugging??? Am I the only person who finds that really clever?

<insert obvious jokes about a language nerd with cats>

P.PS I haven’t decided on a name for him yet. Thoughts?

Not much to see here

I’m sitting here chewing on dried squid and having a coffee…

Was that image vivid enough for you?

Not much to report recently. I’ve been running, eating waaaaaay too much and playing copious amounts of WoW (I’m rep grinding – if you know what I’m talking about all well and good – if you don’t, you probably don’t need to).

I have managed to churn out Part 6 of the Japan trip, though which means 1/2 of it is complete. Yay!

Mmmm…squid.

What have you failed at lately?

I knew there was a reason I didn’t go onto Facebook much:

 “Failbooking” – from those lovely people who also provide your lolcat and Engrish fixes.

Do these people not care what they announce to the world?

Oh wait…I’m the self-confessed queen of tmi…

But I don’t do it on Facebook ! So there.

I was thinking about it on the weekend, actually – thinking about how I know more about my friends on facebook than my friends whom I see on a regular basis – even though 99% of my facebook friends are people whom I haven’t seen in over 15 years.

On Sunday, after our luncheon I was trying to organise a lift home for a Japanese friend who doesn’t drive as it had gotten late and I didn’t feel comfortable about sending her off on public transport. We ended up asking a gentleman who has frequented our house on many occasions and whom I’ve had interactions with for the last 4 years. He lived near her house and said it was no problem.

Then I realised, I didn’t know his address, anything about him or even his last name.

I wasn’t sure if I felt more comfortable about her being in a car alone with him or on a train after dark.

It was a really strange situation. She of course didn’t know how I knew him and I was trying to reassure myself more than anything when I told her he was a ‘good friend’ and I ‘trusted him’. But on the inside, I wondered just how well I did know him.

M and I had a bit of a talk about the situation too on Sunday night. Neither of us has a big circle of friends and other than the people we work with, the only people we know are people we’ve met through kink. But the nature of the kinky beast is that you never really ‘know’ the other people in the sense that everyone is uberly worried about their privacy and public persona and there’s a bit of an unspoken ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy as far as interactions are concerned.

We’ve both felt that the situation with the ‘hollow’ friendships is regrettable and seems to detract from our enjoyment of spending time with some people.

Although we formed a couple of firm friendships that started through kink and have evolved, the majority of kink interactions are entirely superficial and seem to suck more out of you than you actually get out of them.

It’s interesting, isn’t it, how the anonymity of the internet allows you to put everything and more out there, while actually revealing nothing about yourself.

It’s that time again!

I speak of course, of the time of the month when I receive an email containing the profiles of some of the ‘premium members’ of alt.com.

I find it a good lesson in how not to advertise for prospective partners (I’m finding it really hard to decide which pic I find funnier…)

I’ve also done Part 5 of Japan here.

‘Don’t make me late for work…’

That was the classic line I got from M this morning when I was less than enthusiastic about getting out of my warm bed in the pre-dawn hours to suck his cock.

I just looked at him and laughed.

As if the two minutes it took me to get out of bed were going to make any difference WHATSOEVER to the half an hour or more he was going to be late for work due to his need for some cock-sucking.

I really don’t know what is better, getting myself enthusiastic about cock-sucking before I go to bed when I’m so sleepy that I can barely keep my eyes open, or getting myself enthusiastic about cock-sucking in the early hours of the morning when I haven’t had enough sleep and can barely keep my eyes open. Maybe it’s a case of deciding which is the lesser of two evils…

We had a Christmas in August luncheon for 11 guests on Sunday. It will probably be the last luncheon we have for a long time as we usually end up having some sort of a fight and not talking to each other at some stage during the preparation process and there’s a reasonable amount of money and time involved.

I’m feeling highly unmotivated to do the last bits of the post-luncheon clean-up and I’m supposed to be going for a run today as well, but unless my motivation levels improve, it ain’t happening.

As far as the fun run stress run is concerned, I’m the sort of person who won’t do something unless I have a 99% guaranteed expected success rate and I’m starting to have my doubts about the whole 12km thing. I think if I’d started preparing a bit earlier things would have been okay, but I think it’s fairly unrealistic to go from zero running ability to 12kms in 9 weeks. If I can’t do it, I’ll get totally depressed and mope around the place for ages, so I’m wondering whether I should just quit while I’m ahead.

I’m a’ do or don’t do, there is no try’ kind of Yoda-girl.

I’ve had an on-again-off-again headache for a week now and my wisdom teeth have been moving around and making things quite unpleasant so that’s not helping things either. Yesterday though, I definitely should have had more cauliflower cheese with my whine.

I’m about 3/4 the way through the next instalment in the Japan saga, but motivation is lacking there too. If I get bored enough at work tomorrow I’ll endeavour to finish it…maybe…lol.

Plague cometh

I was walking along listening to the radio this morning when it came over the news that people were dying of the bubonic plague in Peru. I’m not suffering from that particular strain of plague – just the monthly variety – but with ridiculous cramps that woke me up at 2am and a headache that has been with me for 36 hrs, I’m feeling deathly.

But even in the throes of death, I manage to churn out blogs. Yes, my dear readers, you can send your adoring fan mail and donations to subtleslavegirl@hotmail.com.

In non-plague news, I’ve gone from struggling to run for 90 seconds to running 28 minutes quite comfortably in six weeks. It’s a good feeling. I’m also feeling less embarrasssed while I’m out running. Although, I don’t know what it is with Perth, but when I’m out running or even just walking, all these bogans beep their horn and yell stuff at me out of their car windows. At first I thought I must have underwear hanging out of my trackpants or something, but no. I don’t know what it is, but regardless of what I’m wearing or what I’m doing, I’ll suddenly get beeped at from behind and it scares the crap out of me. And no, I’m not running on the road or crossing the road or anything, I’m just jogging along on the footpath quietly minding my own business when it happens.

Maybe I’ve just got too much hump and jiggle for people to ignore?

Part 4 of Japan has been uploaded here and I’m coming to the conclusion that I’ve left out a few things and will have to go back and edit all the entries once I’m done. I knew there was a really good reason why I hadn’t started this mammoth task earlier – it sucks up hours and hours of every day! Ahhhhh!

(Oh, and because Chloe moaned about mentioned the lack of people in the pics, I went out of my way to include some just for her. Did I mention fan mail and donations???)

I’m on a roll

Well, the weekend is over and another week begins. It’s my mother’s birthday today and being a really crap daughter, I forgot it. To be 100% honest I didn’t ‘forget’ it per se, I just got it confused with my grandmother’s birthday that is exactly a week later. All week M had been reminding me about whose birthday it was by saying, ‘Who comes first? Mother or daughter?’ and so I did the daughterly duty and sent a card to my grandmother last week and planned to send a card to my mother this week.

Then Saturday night my sister sent me a picture on her phone of the birthday cake she’d made for my mother and I was thinking, “Oh, crap!”. Apparently we’d incorrectly recorded the birthdays on M’s calendar and now it was too late to do anything about it. At least my grandmother is going to get her card nice and early…lol.

But I didn’t feel right about it, so I coughed up some cash and ordered my mother some flowers online and hopefully they’ll be delivered today while she is at work. I would have sent her a stripper or something, except boys don’t do it for her and I’m guessing she’d rather not be outed at work.

I’ve never remembered any birthdays in my family except my sister’s. Instead I have them written down on a sheet of paper that I’ve carried with me to Japan and back again. Unfortunately the flaw in that cunning plan is that it actually requires me to look at the piece of paper with enough time to send a card and have it arrive before their birthday has come and gone. That’s the part I often fail at. You’d think in this day and age I’d have them all recorded in my phone or ipod or something, wouldn’t you? Too easy. That sort of shit just doesn’t work for someone with an endurance kink.

Oh, I’ve also done Part 2 of the Japan trip.  Now I remember why I didn’t immediately do the blogs about our Japan visit after we came back – trawling through 3500 photos takes a shit long time!