A slave’s victory

There are moments when I feel so powerful and so in control that I almost get giddy with the joy it gives me. But hang on, I'm a slave and I'm not supposed to be the one 'in control' or the one with 'the power'. Aren't I supposed to be the oppressed, the subjugated, the...

TPE or TLC?

You know what the biggest killer of power-exchange relationships is? It's not lies, doms acting like a-holes or emotionally unstable subs. It's complacency. I had a moment this morning when I thought I'd well and truly crossed the never-to-be-crossed-again line that separates the comfortable from the complacent. Master was ravishing me and I let rip...

The past returns

Today, I got an email out of the blue from my ex-husband. After not hearing from him for about eight months, I wasn't actually expecting to hear from him again, but today I did and it was the email to end all emails. We used to exchange emails every month or so and I'd call...

All your hole are belong to me

I lose sight of one of the most fundamental things in my life on a regular basis: Ultimately, I'm a slave by Master's definition and if that means that I'm a 'crap slave' or not even in the slave category according to my and/or other people's definitions, so be it. That's what I've been pondering...

Scary age

In aught but a few short days, I'll be thirty-three. It'll be a day just like any other and the only thing I'd like present-wise is Kushiel's Avatar - not because I've loved the series so much I can't put it down, but because I'd like to finish the trilogy seeing that I'm slightly OCD...

Kiddy stuff

Master and I aren't into age-play. While he may call me 'girlie' (among other things...:) ) on occasion, I'm not his baby girl and he's certainly not my daddy. And although technically with the 19 year age gap and all, he could be my father, we're just not interested in whiling away the afternoon with...

Retrospect is a wonderful thing

After all the fuss of xmas, and with turkey eaten and pudding digested there's nothing left this year to do but think about what was, what wasn't and what should of been. I tend to get all out-of-sorts around this time anyway, but this year I'm tending towards the almost feral.Why? Because this year has...

Born to be hurt

Ever wonder what you're here on the earth for? I do. All the time. I'm obviously not here to cure cancer, propagate the species or entertain the masses with my wit. So what, pray tell, is my purpose for being? When I found this thing called slavery, one of the things I was enamoured with...

Norti and Nice

(Click here to see the winner (s) of the "I'm an innernets smartipants!" award from yesterday's post.) I stupidly worked up the courage this morning on the bus to tell my mum and my sister about Jacque. The act of texting the words, of course, got me all a sobbing again so there I was...

Just breathe and reboot

Meltdowns are a fairly common topic when I read subbly folk's blogs, hell, I have them myself often enough and the general idea is that when a meltdown occurs something is wrong, but I'm convinced that often a meltdown is not an indication that something is wrong, but actually that something is right. I find...

I’m not a masochist but…

...I can't stop thinking about nasty things being done to me and it drives me insane! I don't like pain. I don't like losing control. I don't like being humiliated. I don't like being scared. I don't like doing things I don't want to do, but rarely a day goes by that I don't have all...

I’ve lost the ouchie gene

Remember the other day how I was saying that I'm not as 'into' the whole bdsm thing as I used to be? Well, I've had a bit more of a think about it and I've come to the conclusion that there is one facet of it that I'm a whole lot not as into as...

Freedom

I started out this thing called slavery thinking that once that collar went around my neck, I really wasn't going to be 'free' anymore. I imagined my every movement being controlled and having very little time or privacy to myself. In my preparations for 'becoming a slave' I remember going out and buying a new...

No longer who I was

From today I no longer have a Japanese surname. Yes, I finally got my new passport after numerous interviews, phone calls and a couple of written statutory declarations. Due to both my marriage and divorce never being recorded in Australia, explaining why I had a Japanese surname on my old passport turned into a huge...

Masters as pleasers

After much rumination and deep-thinking I think I've grasped a concept that has eluded me for many years: Masters aren't necessarily doms. I had the light-bulb moment this morning when I sat down to tell Master my great idea for getting us out of the 'social rut' we've been in. You see, every morning he...

Small

A big part of why I do this thing called 'slavery' is that I have a need for the feeling of being kept & protected. I wrote previously about the relationship security that I get from being someone's property, but I've also recently noticed that feeling safe and secure - both mentally and physically - play a...

A potato is a potato is a potato

How many times have you started reading a blog, talked with someone online or met someone in r/l and all you've wanted to know about them is 'what' they are? Are they sub, slave, switch, dom, domme, top, bottom, trans, bi, tri...?? The list goes on... Generally 'what' someone is, is the first thing I want to...

The one where I start out with nothing to say and I end up getting all philosophical on your ass

I've been feeling like I've been hit with a tranquilizer gun these last few nights, so come 9pm I've been in bed...fast asleep. Yes, I'm officially on senior citizens time and this has cut quite sharply into my blog posts as I usually put my electric blanket on, get all comfy in a warm bed and...

The Secret Time

Wanna know the secret of how to have a successful bdsm relationship?? Do ya? Do ya? I'm not saying my relationship is the be all and end all of bdsm relationships, the one to be emulated and the one on which the Great Book of BDSM will be written, but from my observations, a 24/7...

Learning to love what you don’t

Over the years as I've matured and my tastes have changed, I've discovered that I like things that I never used to. For example, the list of foods I never used to eat was long and included some of the best foods known to man: olives, tomatoes, mangoes, any fish that wasn't covered in bread...

Is it a phase?

I wonder if a slave in a consensual bdsm relationship has ever woken up one day and thought, "I don't want to be a slave anymore". Not because they weren't having their itches scratched, because their domly one had done anything wrong or because there was something wrong with their relationship. Simply because they decided that...

Body fluids and all that jazz – slightly nauseating topic

The last couple of days I've noticed a slightly disturbing trend in the search terms people are using to 'find' my blog. Here are just a few of the more worrying ones: snot blowing bdsm women master shitting on his slavegirl vomit slavegirl cleaning slavegirl toilet shitting herself consensual labia removal Notice the trend? Yes,...

Why the collars and beatings?

Being inquisitively minded and all like I am, I often think about why things are as they are. I wonder about the origins of customs and question why, in a lot of cases, we simply do things because 'they've always been done that way' even though it may not be the most economical or efficient way...

By the way side

Last night Master did something that he has not done for a very long time - he came into my room after I'd gone to bed and checked whether I was sleeping with my bed chain attached to my collar. I can't remember the last time he did that...four months ago? six months ago? last...

Proving yourself

So you have a collar around your neck and a domly one to whom you say, 'I'm your slave, your property, you can do what you wish to me.' But how do you make the differentiation between being a slave and being a kinky sex partner with chunky jewellery? Just because you say you're a slave doesn't...

Tag! You’re it!

Day Two of construction and in addition to Stevo, Davo and Marko, we now have Johno on site. Someone in boots is stomping around on the roof and the sounds of pommie accents in a heated argument about 'which bit goes on first' filters in from outside. I swear that every single construction worker in...

Cogito, ergo sum

I think a lot. In fact, I probably think too much. A small fraction of what goes on inside my head is infrequently put down into this blog but I generally only do that once I've arrived at some sort of a conclusion. As a result, each entry in my blog is like a spiffy little powerpoint presentation showing a summary of the...

The Shiny Thing

Master is wont to point out to me on every occasion possible that I am the slave in this relationship. He does it in a variety of ways, but one of my favourite ones and one that always brings a smile to my face is when he says:'Remember, you're the one wearing the shiny thing.'It's...

Take on me

Trite though it is, I'll mention that film, Secretary; one key-scene as a case-in-point, however caricatured... In order to prove that she really wants to be his property, she is made to wait and wait and wait. I think, kitten, you would have got the hump, said 'fuck you!', and left.                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Master DeeOne of my...

Life long learning

One of the hardest parts for me about being a slave is having my programme re-written. It's hard to unlearn years of second-nature behaviours and have them replaced with things so different to my norm that they only used to exist in the realm of my fantasies. Having me let go of the old me and embrace...